Dear Counsellor: My husband is mean

Q: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We have one son. We  both work hard. However, he has changed dramatically. He recently opened  a bank account and put his father's name on it. Last year, he bought an  apartment as an investment and he has put only his name and our son's  on the title. Our son adores him and his father lavishes him with  gadgets. He earns multiple times my salary and he is insisting that I  pay part of the mortgage because he says I have 50 per cent interest in  the house if we divorce. After I pay my portion of the mortgage I can  barely buy gas for the car. I have to take lunch to work. He and his  brother will go off for weekends and he spends on his brother and  himself. However, of late he watches what I spend at the supermarket. He  took me off the credit card with the large balance for no reason. When I  married him he was not a mean person but spent lavishly on me. He  claims that I do not appreciate him enough and that is why he has  changed. I am not handling this change very well. I am wondering whether  I should leave him and leave the child with him.

A: The major problem is that your husband has a mean side. He is not  mean with money because he sends on his brother and himself and he is  ensuring that his son is well taken care of. However, he is punishing  you because he feels that you do not appreciate him enough. You need to  ascertain how he would like you to show him appreciation. In addition,  you need to determine whether you have changed in the way you express  your love to him. It could be that he has a need for affirmation or he  could be a selfish person who wants you to be eternally grateful because  he s taking home the bacon. You need to have a candid discussion with  him and ask for an explanation about the changes in the financial  affairs and then tell him what you expect of him and what you are  willing to do to save the marriage.

That he has brought up the subject of divorce in a subtle way is not a  good sign. Money conflict is popular among married couples. Leaving the  child is a big decision. You need to seek the help of a counselor to  manage these issues.