I feel that bottled up - ness as well. I often would like to purge it all out, like I used to.

Unfortunately, because I am more known it just results in more of a perceived pity fest, where people are concerned for me, instead of me just purging the emotions and I can move on from them.
It is good to have people that are close, it's true.
BUT

Having people analyze an emotional purge can be quite annoying as people that care about you will take it personally that you are unhappy. (and sometimes you know... maybe they should feel shitty for hurting you.)

So instead of feeling happy you let it all out - you feel guilt in it's place. I think this scenario fucking sucks.

My emotions are in a box, constructed to shield people from their emotions about my emotions.

Basically- the truth should not be known.
Basically- my true emotions don't matter because of other people's emotions.

I have to put on a mask and eat the pain. It feels great... My cheeks hurt from all these fake smiles. Eat shit and grin - is the jist of what I feel from this, I guess. The thing is... nobody can keep shit down for very long. It always comes back up, if we don't deal with it. It's why we go through dark nights of the soul. It all gets purged whether we like it or not. We can choose to purge healthily or let the emotions fester inside us until the boil pops on it's own.

Fewww that was a good purge comment - thank you. I feel lighter already.