Well, Are You? Part One of a Series; Sexist
Are you Sexist?
Do you wonder this? If this thought has occurred to you, then you probably are. Oh, I’m sorry... did I offend your fragile male ego? Are you mad? Are you defensive? Do you want to call me a bitch and to fuck off and give me about a thousand reasons why I’m being unfair? Unfair to YOU?
I hope I got your attention. I hope you’re at least a little angry with me right now, or that you’ve stopped reading, because I only want to speak to an audience who cares about this question. It’s a big, important question and I think it’s worth your attention.
What is a Sexist?
A sexist is a person who thinks and treats the opposite sex as somehow ‘less’ than their own, normally a man who thinks women are inferior to them simply because they are a woman. Understand, I’m not saying that you, Carl, can’t tell your best buddy Rick that your co-worker Carol is an idiot. Carol may very well BE an idiot. Recognizing Carol’s idiocy is not the issue here. It’s when Rick responds, “That bitch never even wears a DRESS.”
You see how Rick just made things sexist? Why does someone, anyone, think this is a reasonable response? Surely you’ve heard of the pantsuit. And why, exactly, do you think Rick went from ‘Carol is an idiot’ to having an issue with her clothes?
I bet that I know what some of you are about to say or are thinking already. What if Carl simply likes dresses? What if Carl is the Human Resource Guy and Carol is in violation of the Clothes At Work policy? Furthermore, what if Carol, in her idiocy, wears clothes that are really unfashionable and tacky??
No. Nope. Stop it, you’re justifying things and getting caught up in the minutiae of my MADE UP STORY. You are purposefully NOT trying to understand my point, so take a deep breath, big boy, calm the fuck down and LISTEN. (read)
Defining Sexism
Dictionary.com defines sexism as such, “ingrained and institutionalized prejudice against or hatred of women; misogyny.” Further, our friends at Wikipedia state, “Sexism or gender discrimination is prejudice or discrimination based on a person's sex or gender.
Sexism can affect either gender, but it is particularly documented as affecting women and girls. It has been linked to stereotypes and gender roles and may include the belief that one sex or gender is intrinsically superior to another. Extreme sexism may foster sexual harassment, rape, and other forms of sexual violence.”
What are you doing wrong?
If you’re even asking yourself that question, you’re doing something right. Here’s the thing… try to behave as though that woman you are speaking with is a person. That’s right, it’s nearly that simple and an appropriate place to start.
Table Image
What I want you to understand, too, is that I was raised on this sexism. Educated by everyone from my own mother to marketing campaigns to my schools on what my role is in society; to entertain and delight you with my nice smile, my flattering words, my great tits. And I do, ohhhh, you know I do. I call it my ‘table image’ a poker term referring to the way you present yourself on the poker table. I’m the flirty, silly drunk girl. It’s not a lie, and it often hides the fact that I’m also wicked sharp.
Understanding my personal table image is not the same thing as accepting sexism, however. I have had to call out a number of assholes for being overly sexist. And I struggle with how far to let someone go with me, flirting wise. I’m not blaming anyone for treating me inappropriately. If you have treated me badly, I have told you, don’t worry.
What you should worry about is how you treat the average woman you encounter. Are you dismissive? Condescending? Do you feel the need to explain to her the sentence that she just said to you? That shit you have got to stop. If a woman is flirting with you and you say something appropriately flirty back, you’re probably good. Just don’t be the asshole that starts it in a situation that doesn’t call for it.
And yes, you really should be able to tell the difference.
That’s the end of my lesson for today. I hope you will ask me questions in the comments so we can further this discussion.
A new SMT has been created in your name: SexistCoin care of SteemIt Inc. (STINC)
Ah yes, well said. I think this quote sums it up from evacide, the director of cybersecurity at EFF:
That is a GREAT quote, @stellabelle. It's so ridiculous that we are continuing to have the same discussions in 2017 about sexism and racism and... It's frustrating, and I hope the world will be less unbalanced for my daughters. I believe it will be, even now. I think the pendulum of assholicness is swinging hard to one side right now, and I'm looking forward to the backswing. :)
Haha! This post was written by a girl!
I didn’t read it. My fragile male ego wouldn’t allow it. I got my own table image to keep up, you know.
psh.
YOU don't play poker. you DABBLE.
;)
thanks for not-reading, @ats-david!
#metoo
OH. MAH. I'M.
NO.
dammit.
hahahahahaa
I believe that we are all created equal and that gender were established by the creator not to discriminate each other but to establish differences between man and woman. These differences should be treated accordingly and not to be seen as inferiority to both sexes.
I hear you, @juvyjabian. I think the idea of 'equality' is interesting... we aren't the same, not as individuals and not as male / female, however we are each deserving of respect from one another.
Thanks for reading and commenting! :)
What a great read. The most powerful message I found here is to focus on seeing fellow humans not as a woman or a man, but as a person. That really helps to establishing the right perspective and outlook. We are all indoctrinated by society to some extent, therefore it is sometimes difficult to break the predefined gender roles and assume the perspective of the opposing gender. Your suggestion is a powerful tool to do that. Writing from your perspective helps bringing out the message, educate and challenge outdated mindset.
wow, @cryptonik, thank you so much for your comment! That's the ideal i firmly stand on... that we are all people who deserve each others respect. it is difficult, but it's NECESSARY. i really appreciate your thoughts. :)
Thanks Teacher. Will have to think through how I treat women a little more. It is probably why women dont like me.
You're pretty good, @nicnas. It's one of the reasons why I keep you around, actually. ;)
The fact that I even may have wondered about that is in my view a strength, pretty much the opposite of a fragile ego. Fragile egos will barely ever venture in the realm of [unsolicited] self-inspection, analysis and subsequent improvement.
Like this?
thanks for reading, @fknmayhem ;)
I know you do. :D
But over time, I myself, have become a more calculated warrior in this fight. Having recently seen the so-called manosphere (that's a whole internet culture niche btw) revel and thrive in this current climate of authoritarian populists, I have noticed that those intro-paragraphs merely amplify the manosphere's thinking and PoV.
If, after that first paragraph, they decide to not read any further... that's an opportunity lost IMHO.
Btw it's difficult, very difficult an admission [thread]:
Aw, you're an ally!
Are you giving me a note about how to engage the manosphere?
Ally, most definitely. Understatement of the day without a doubt.
No, there's no right or wrong way. We all find the way which we we think suits and fits us best. As long as we stay vocal about it and the fight continues. IT is one which needs to be fought, until we truly have achieved equality.
Ye, we will fail to help the ignorant ones, but luckily there's that one certitude in life we all have: all our lives are limited and end at some point. Cemetaries all over the world are littered with humans who thought they were irreplaceable. :D
I was unaware of the term "manosphere". Thanks....
I'm truly sorry about that. I even had the unpleasure of running into one of them during my first few days on Steemit.
They're a weird breed and often much more sensitive, touchy then they sound. Recently they found empowerement, sadly enough.
does 'manosphere' mean a group of men who hate women to the degree, that women get scared off on a regular basis? Well, it was kind of like that in here during the early days of Steemit. Not all men were like that though, but enough were that it was threatening. There's a kind of self-hatred that exists in these types it seems.
I enjoy SEX over sexism, it is more fun and better cardio.
...says the first male member of the YWCA of our hometown... yeah, shut up you feminist. ;)
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The human race is sexist.
And there is no way to change that. Although a great many women are trying, by creating androgynous boys.
The thing is, that many women are complaining that they are being put down. That they are being turned into a sex object.
The truth is, 80% of men are invisible to women. They are ignored into oblivion.
It is when one of these 80% try to talk to a woman that we get all the guns out. Creepy, womanizer, sexist pig... These are all terms that women use to describe anyone who approaches them that they feel is beneath them.
So, what happens in reality is that the top 20% of men get a pass.
The bottom 80% of men are told to man up, and just accept their roles: serve women, keep the power on, do your job, and don't even try to talk to women, or you will get fired.
For the top 20% of men, women do everything they can to be sex objects for. Women complain about high heels, but won't be caught dead in anything else. Do women want to dress up as a witch for Halloween? No, they want to dress up as a sexy witch.
I just want you to know that the human race is sexist. And so, any and all language can be considered sexist. And the largest indicator of whether a man is being sexist, is whether the woman thinks he's hot. Meaning, 80% of men should never talk to women.
I respectfully disagree, @builderofcastles!
I'm thinking maybe you need a lesson on 'how to appropriately speak to women'.
Thanks for stopping by, good luck!