My Untold Birth Story

Art by: Liquid Mushroom

Today marks many holidays for some. April 1st is a day for the tricksters to pull out their best. But today marks a day that is the beginning of a pivotal adventure. Rewind my story to 365 days ago, at approximately 12:18 AM. The moment where the second heart that was encased in my body decided to enter the Earth plane.

Meet Rhythm Tulsi Kalyani. She came to my partner in a dream almost a decade before they would meet in the flesh. A true surprise to my meandering path, as I never imagined actually playing the role of a WOMBan.

Two hearts housed in one body. It was wild. Trippy. Romantic and downright bizarre. But here we were, nurturing the incubation period. My body, doing it's natural transition into motherhood, slowly began to morph as the life within took claim to my meat suit.

Conceiving while nomadic provided its own set of challenges as well as gifts. Not being anchored somewhere allowed me the privilege to spend lots of time in meditation and movement in pristine and scenic areas of our country, however comfort was an issue during the second and third trimester. I was sure that I wanted to have an unassisted birth after hearing some of the birth stories from womben who traveled. I had never been so attuned to my body before and trusting that my body knew the mechanics of giving birth was the ultimate test. After all creating life is the purpose of the female body, right?! With logic and reason on my side, I set out to understand all things child-bearing. I read most of Ina May's popular books while asking every doula friend and mother any question that came to mind. If I was the writer of my story then I wanted to have her in some magical hot springs, buried deep in the mountains while howling at the full moon with close loved ones around. But as the due date came closer, I began to feel fear + anxiety, and had to have a few radically honest conversations with myself. At the end of the day I didn't feel prepared. So I changed birth course in the beginning of my third trimester and started seeking sistars that could and would be a part of our birth.

That search took me to Colorado, Oregon and then to Northern California. I was floundering until fate would have me nestle into the high desert of New Mexico. While in Northern California, I had a spiritually charged phone conversation with a sistar I had never met. We had mutual friends and she was only a few weeks away from giving birth to her son. I felt safe to tell her the details of my life, as being pregnant with wanderlust while being physically pregnant, is not generally approved by our society. Tons of deprogramming work there but that is for another post :)

She advised me to pull it together and redirect my energy into making a vision board. I began a little grounding ritual through breathwork exercises to help my focus. Lit a candle, sent out a prayer and began to write what I thought Rhythm would need to pass through with joy. Releasing my wish list onto paper was a liberating act. I felt empowered and hopeful. I carefully wrapped the journal in a colorful sash and tucked it away into my backpack.

A week later my partner and I were headed on an Amtrak towards a city we had only been through once. On the faith that the community would receive us with love and support and that I would find the right birth team. (No one would accept me in Oregon because I was considered a liability as a result of my withholding of certain prenatal protocol.)
So I had a hell of a time researching potential birth teams and facilities. I was beginning to feel that I had exasperated all possibilities of manifesting my preferred birth after being denied by ALL of Eugene's birth centers. I was referred to the local hospital over and over again, and almost always felt judgement by the staff. I stood for the belief that my body had a natural intelligence that superseded artificially intelligent machinery. Gosh, I feel granola.

Anyways, so here we were in NM with just two backpacks, ourselves + my belly bump and our two dogs. With faith in our hearts, we stuck our thumbs out and began our journey towards Silver City. We had little luck on getting a ride until our phone rang. A friend of a friend of a friend had heard of our dilemma and decided to pick us up from the train station and offer us a room in their home. Miracle #1.

Miracle #2 happened a few days later when a Nurse Practitioner/midwife, who owns her own birth clinic, took me on as a patient.

Miracle #3 happened when I gave a natural birth to an outrageously healthy girl in the EXACT way I had wrote in my journal a few months prior.

Magic still exists. Continue to believe.