I Just Took A Bath In Preparation For Tomorrow's Wee Hour Dialysis Schedule

It Gets So Harder Now To Prepare For My Dialysis

Taking a bath at around 2:00 AM in the wee hours of the morning for my wee hours of the morning dialysis schedule of 4:30 AM is getting hard now. For one thing I have to take a cold bath considering that in these months it is colder here and it is not really an issue, it is just I can't rush it because of the stiffness and pains in my joints.

Not only that, my joints are really not in shape, they are actually getting more painful as time goes by which is apparent and I can notice it. My back is also continuing to squeeze my internal organs and I could only feel some considerable relief upon lying down and when I do sit up the pain just goes on again.

Pain is also developing in my hand particularly in my left hand so I fear that it would be like my feet where I can't step on them anymore. The crutches that I bought about less than two years ago is now useless and the government-issued wheelchair that I thought that I would never use is the one that I am using now to get from point A to point B which is just from my room and to the bathroom or the living area.

Fear is what grips my soul and worry is in my thoughts all the time. I just wonder why I am still alive despite all these bad things that is happening in my body. I really wanted to die and forgo with my plans because not all things are in my control anyway. But certainly I will not stop going for my dialysis because I do not want to die a lingering death.

Right now I just relieved myself and then took a bath so that I will not cram tomorrow and also suffer some near hypothermia in the bathroom because of the cold weather. Showering was once my luxurious activity where I would shower anytime of the day and night. Now I could not do that because it is hard to move now with pain and breathlessness.

It is still okay for me to get cold in the bathroom because it is really the least of my concerns. What I am really worried about was my worsening bone and joint pains because I could feel it considering the money that I already spent for trying to manage it but still I am not getting much improvements, my drugs only slowed it down so I am just waiting for a miracle but I have to take my part because no winds in this world that can bring me to a better health if not for my effort for it to happen. May God help me.