Dear Steemy is not just an advice column, it's a place for community to come together and interact on a humane level. In that space there is only support, no rep or wallet matters when we're communing, human to human.

Dear Steemy also features posts that I find from members of the community who may have reached out on their blog about an issue in their life but not received much supportive response. I want to also highlight posts that may have received a small but inspiring response, and that's what today's spotlight is all about.

The below is a post from @defiant30, three weeks ago. He's a single guy who's given up work and a social life to take care of his mother, who is suffering from cancer. Prior to his mother's diagnosis, the OP's dad died of cancer as well, only moths before. What had started as a decision to move in with mother to help after the death of his dad has become a much longer term commitment, and it has clearly taxed this selfless son.

He feels he cannot go back to work or even leave his mother for any extended amount of time because, when he does, he comes back to find her unconscious or heading to the Emergency Room. The situation has left him without a support system, alone, and self admittedly mired in depression.

There is so much I want to say to this OP, but I think it's more important to first highlight the response that the post did receive, which came from user @exoexo. The commenter left a lengthy letter of support, and I urge you to read that comment, shown below, before continuing. It's inspirational, and deserves to be read and appreciated. This is the kind of community Steemit is and will continue to be.

Please read the OP, and comment, printed below, and keep scrolling for my "Dear Steemy" for the OP.

@defiant30:

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For the last two years I have been taking care of my parents. First my dad was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. It was too late for chemo or surgery. I moved in with my parents to help my mother take care of my dad. He passed Christmas eve 2014. I continued to live with my mom while she worked through the loss of my dad. A few months later she was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. The next year we went trough surgeries, chemo and radiation. Thankfully she is clear of cancer, but her will to live is not what it once was.

For that whole time I had put my own life on hold, it was something that i wanted to do for them. Now that my mother is better, i want to go back to work. I want to have a life again. Unfortunately my mom has stopped trying to take care of herself. She stopped trying all together. I try to get her to take care of herself but her responses are discouraging. Its eating me up inside that she wont do anything for herself. There is only so much I can do for her now.

Every time I leave the house for several hours i come back to a bad situation. Either I find her passed out over a chair or on the floor. A few times I can home to an ambulance taking her to the hospital. It makes me not want to leave her alone at all. I'm struggling on what to do anymore. Depression has taken a strong hold over me. I cant financially contribute because I'm truly afraid to leave. I don't want to come home and find her alone, deceased. It would tear me up inside even more.

While i am so worried about her, I am increasingly worrying about myself. I have to find a balance between taking care of her, and taking care of myself. I am just not sure how to handle it yet. Right now I feel that this, taking care of my mother is all I have left in my life. My friends don't call anymore. I don't go out to bars or parties. Although not being able to earn a living has contributed to this.

I feel lost. I feel like the cancer left her and is now eating away at what little I have left. I am trying to strong and fight. For now, I am not sure which one of us will win. Thanks for reading. I appreciate any comments on what i wrote about. I am not an English teacher so do not expect my grammar to be perfect. And if that all you have to comment about, please keep it to yourself. Respect is something every human being has earned at birth.

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@Exoexo:
@defiant30 Hi there! I came across your story while still learning all things new about Steemit. I've only been here for a couple of days. Sorry to hear about both your parents. My friend, Bonnie also died of Cancer a few years ago. Looks like you need a helping hand. In your story, you didn't speak of any siblings so I'll assume you are an only child. If possible, you can ask a friend or a relative over for when you run errands, that way, you won't be surprised when you arrive home each time. I understand exactly what you mean when you say you took on her Cancer. An only Caregive is always stuck without time and energy. Please do not give up. You have up until now been a very responsible individual towards your mom. The death of your father looks to have really driven your mom's soul to lower levels.

What a person with Cancer needs first is their positive outlook, first and foremost. Without that they are truly losing a battle that can't be won. Your mom needs glimpses of her memories, happy ones with your father, photos, videos ... If you can get her back to that happy place, she will have a good chance containing her Cancer. And you will have an easier time, caring for her. What I mean by 'containing' her Cancer is that Cancer develops from the body's lack of good nutrition, the lack of good quality sleep, the lack of exercise, the lack of sufficient water, the lack of sufficient sunlight, the lack of oxygen and too much processed foods. Her depression is a 'symptom'
of all those above deficiencies combined.

When a person has all the above and more their body will fiction the way it's suppose to and her depression may reduce leading to her ability to take on more fun activities thus making her happier, depression gone.

I have made a long comment to another user named GaryWilson with steps to take in order to 'reverse' his Cancer. You may have a peek at it ⏩

https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@garywilson/cancer-my-sentence-to-death-whether-i-ultimately-live-or-die-my-desire-is-to-publish-a-weekly-post-on-steemit-and-share-the#@eclecticity/re-exoexo-re-garywilson-cancer-my-sentence-to-death-whether-i-ultimately-live-or-die-my-desire-is-to-publish-a-weekly-post-on-steemit-and-share-the-20160811t092138025z

As I told Mr. GaryWilson, We are all born with Cancer cells within our body, probably passed down from our mother. These little cancer cells float in the body and are controlled by our own immune system. As you know, your immune system stays high up there protecting you if all the necessary requirements are met. Once you eat too many processed foods, for example, the Cancer cells in your body starts to grow, for the lack of proper organic foods the body needs to keep the immune system up and working properly. If more time passes and the person still does not fix their diet and lifestyle, these growing Cancer cells will begin to multiply faster. In hopes of saving your life, your body's immune system , surrounds and captured the spreading cells creating what doctors call a tumor. So when the doctor recommends surgery to 'cut out' the so called tumor, he is in fact, popping the surrounding protective layering which is holding the Cancer cells captive and releasing them to further spread to other organs and parts of the body. Once toxic chemotherapy and poisonous radiation is added to this mix as both treatment lowers the immune system drastically, the patient's chances of survival decreases by 95%, I believe. From that point one, it's very difficult but not impossible to 'save' the patient. From what I understand, if chemo and radiation is used, the patient only has a 2-4% survival rate within 5 years but some pass away much sooner.

If your mother is well enough to eat, you should provide her with plenty of fruits and vegetables, and if possible she should eat many of them raw.

If your mother doesn't already sleep well, you need to find ways of having her in bed by 9:00 pm. This being that the the body needs to glide into a deep type of sleep before it starts is repair to organs and such so that the body can get rid of toxins, dead Cancer cells and the like.

A Cancer patient immune system needs a lot more help than a regular healthy person therefore, adequate natural vitamin D is needed. Take her outdoors if possible to a park where she can absorb sunlight, no sunscreen, please as this will block out the life saving sunlight. Just 30 minutes in sunlight is what she needs. If you live in a region with low sunlight, you can provide your mom with high doses of vitamin D.

Exercise, without exercise, the human body can not boot out toxins, poisons and dead Cancer cells. You need to make your mom do daily walks if possible at least 20 minutes of walking a day.

Please do not provide her with foods that have excess amounts of sugar or cut out sugar completely for now. This is critically important as any sugar she eats will in turn feed the growing Cancer.

For yourself, if you do mammograms for breast Cancer detection, you may try to consider having 'Thermograms' done on your breasts instead as it is less harmful. Doctors are now coming out and saying that the radiation from mammography machines actually are creating the Cancers they are trying to prevent.

Yes, please do look into that link above as I have added more details there on how to reverse Cancer
But before starting any natural treatments or protocols, please consult with her Doctor.

To learn the more about Cancer and how to reverse it, you are welcome to watch the following documentary video called 'The Truth About Cancer' by Ty Bollinger and many respected doctors and experts ⬇️ I will leave it here for now, keep your mom's spirits high and half your battle has been won. Wishing you and your mom all the best. Turn on some comedy to help boosts spirits. For sure the video below will give you confidence to fight your battle for the who has protected you for so many years. Good luck, dear!🙏🏼

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Dear @defiant30,

There is no question about it, life is hard and often unfair. We aren't guaranteed anything, and sometimes the nothing we receive can convince us that the world has no will to charity, no love to give. But I can prove that wrong right here, right now. Go look in the mirror. You have answered a call to charity and self sacrifice, and you prove that the phenomenon exists in the world when you're working each day to help your mother through what sounds like a very difficult recovery. Don't ever forget that.

Steady As She Goes

Balance is perhaps the most difficult thing to maintain over the long term, both physically and in our lives. The path of least resistance is unbalance, and it is easy to see how unbalanced our world can seem. Military conflicts, economic crises, and social unrest attest to the unbalance that plagues the people of Earth.

It's like you're in a war yourself, too. Against time, against your mother's unsteady recovery, and against the person you've become. It sounds like you were working before all of this happened and would like to return to it but cannot. Don't forget that you're part of what's at stake here, and it's important you have the strength, and will, to continue on. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be physically able to help take care of her, so don't ignore yourself.

I won't assume you've checked local and state programs for possible assistance, but I feel like you've probably explored these avenues. When a person needs daily monitoring and care, there are few places on earth where a state or local program can provide for that level of need. That leaves you, and you are beyond brave in stepping up to the challenge, despite the great personal cost. @exoexo gives some great advice in suggesting a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables, sun and exercise.

You're Not Alone

@exoexo wrote a heartwarming response that clearly took time to consider and craft, just to show you the truth that you aren't alone. Though you don't seem to post much, I imagine it's because you're busy taking care of your mother and the residence. I hope you find your way back to Steemit, to your blog with the wonderfully supportive comment by @exoexo, and to here, so you can see that people are thinking about you.

If you do find you way to my blog, any SBD from this post will be forwarded to you, along with any assistance you may need in figuring out how to manage or use it. It isn't much, compared to what you do, but I hope it can help even a little.

It is important that we remember we are not alone. Humanity cannot work alone and does not. We are a social species that rely on community to enrich our lives and protect our families. When we find ourselves alone, we need to remember that there is a world out there and people in it who care, even if they're hard to find.

Communities Can Cope

I hope you find you way back to Steemit for more, too. In the same way it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a community to deal with calamity. Doing it on your own is commendable, but is it sustainable? Are there church groups that may be able to lend a hand, if state or local programs cannot? If you cannot find a community, is it possible to build one here on Steemit?

Communities are important and can serve to help us think from outside our own situation. Especially when a situation hits so close to home, community support can offer clear thinking and informational resources. @exoexo provided some in their comment, and it's worth it to have a look.

Helping to build awareness with a community like Steemit could lead to you finding additional support, while supporting others. Become a Steemit advocate for Cancer support, and post, comment and vote as part of that community.

As you say, respect is earned by every human being at birth. You already have mine then, but now you also have my admiration.

I wish you all the energy and the love of this single forum, and I hope the strength you need will come to you in waves.

Good Luck @defiant30,
Steemy

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Each week Dear Steemy will feature a found post from a Steemian reaching out for support. I hope you will join me in showing them community support and providing insight if you think you can help.