Long distance closeness

Have you ever thought what is it like to be in a distance relationship? In the public internet connection age and effortless contact with other people this is more and more frequent.

Thanks to the internet we can find people with similar hobbies without the need to flick your finger! We don’t have to associate with the society when finding new friends and love. However, a disadvantage when using this type of communication could lead us to retrieving from our environment in favour of the web relationships, which are in our opinion more valuable to us, because of our common hobbies and possibility to be ourselves in front of those people.

The question is how can we fit love in there? The sensation of distance relationship is not a novelty, that appeared with spread of the internet. It has happened earlier as well, when people had to leave their loved ones for many reasons (like participation in war). The relationship with beloved person has been sustained by letters, regardless it was falling apart due to the deficit of closeness. What are the words written on a piece of paper?

Usually when we are not able to spend time with our second half for a long time, we fear her/his change in look or personality. A close person may become a total stranger after long separation.

Situation like this can be found in text “Mabel” written by William Somerset Maugham. The main character, scared of the thought of his fiancée’s look and personality after a separation decides to run away from her, spending his time traveling around the whole Asia.

However, these are problems of last centuries, which in no way reflect current situation. I’m sure everyone still has one question in mind. Is that form of love even possible? The answer can be a surprising for you because… it is! Nowadays the physical distance between people does not seem as far, as advances in the current technology decrease it. We can text our partner all the time, call them and talk whenever we want, or even perform the video call and, with a bit of time and finances, just visit each other. Thanks to it we virtually won't lose contact with a beloved person.

On the other hand, how does the feeling of closeness, extremely important in the romantic relationship, is affected? For some people closeness is when we are able to see the other person, touch them and feel their presence, but in the distance relationships the definition of closeness if different. The substitute for this attribute is trust, which is essential for the couple to flourish, as well as the time that we sacrifice equally for our loved ones and other commitments.

The human mind is able to adapt to current situation and enjoy small things. Nonetheless it still doesn’t change the fact, that the form of love is extremely hard to sustain. As the person, who is in that form of relationship since 2016, I know how much commitment and perseverance is needed to make that love evolve, rather than slowly burn off.

Without any doubt, I would discourage strongly emotional people to make a distance relationship, as the imagination easily play tricks, which provides to mental disorders like depression, anxiety and addiction to beloved person. Even if at the beginning everything is great, later the wistfulness and feeling of loneliness will start to be annoying, which increase the need of spending time with the second half. When that person is not around, it’s easier to notice the lack of trust and worries about the things that she or he is doing right now. We want to be a shadow for that person, see everything what she or he is doing in any moment, as unfortunately we are not able to visit that person and assure ourselves that everything is ok.

In result couples are falling apart, because one person is limiting the personal space of the second one. It’s one of the biggest mistakes in relationships, thus it is important to create a relationship with a person who we trust to stick around for longer than 2 weeks.

In the two years of my relationship I made a lot of mistakes. I’m lucky, that I’m with a person who can comfort me in the worst moments in my life, to soon make our relationship stronger and continue it, knowing now it can only be better.

So, don’t discourage yourself to feelings and distance love, because despite the difficulty, it can sometimes give us the best awards, resulting with long and lasting relationship, full of love and support. One day you will notice it, after conquering long kilometres and connecting with the second half.

The feeling of true love.

Huge thanks for my girlfriend for proofreading the text. I love you Kamila!