Fake Grown-Ups

I am convinced that most people do not grow up...We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.
― Maya Angelou

I went on a journey quite late. While the younger ones delay their studies to go on a world trip, I was already busy being part of the machine. I was only doing what was expected of me, trying to make a living and have a normal adult life. After all those big milestones, I figured it was time to become a serious grown-up. Work hard every day, pay the bills and buy things that I could finally afford. But after a couple of years, I realized that I might be just faking adulthood just like everyone else. There are things that grown-ups don't really want to admit to themselves, that repressed child quality that can come out depending on the circumstances. But I am not talking about begging your parents for money and acting like a child, I'm talking about that longing for adventure, freedom, and spontaneity. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child.

When I started traveling, my friends were already raising kids. I was not ready for that kind of life. I've seen how my friends changed but I understand that's quite inevitable. They have to start acting according to the society's expectations. To behave like parents, take responsibility and care for their family. If they fail to live beyond their competence, they will be criticized. They cannot think like their younger selves anymore otherwise they will be judged. They cannot admit that they hate being parents. They cannot just say that they don't like their kids. They cannot be selfish and buy things only for themselves. They cannot tell that they don't like their choices in life. I realized how being a real grown-up is such a huge responsibility. Sometimes I think that they are just doing what they have to do because that is what the society expects from them. It's a vicious cycle. You don't see the behind the scenes. You cannot tell what's at the back of their minds. You cannot tell if they are really happy or just faking it. But I know that something in them is screaming. Screaming for freedom. To be free to be themselves. But they just cannot. So I realized that most people are just really faking adulthood.

That time that I should have been working nonstop and raising my own children, I started living my life according to my own terms. I went to a lot of places and met different people. I started taking sports and trying new things. I didn't care if I was too old for any of those. When you start seeing the world through the eyes of a child again, it was like being born again. I realized that I don't have to suppress my longing for adventure anymore. I am free to do whatever I want and be whoever I want to be. While the rest just kept growing, I stopped. I stopped caring what the society thinks. It was freedom.

When I tell stories about my past, I keep telling people that I was young and stupid. Now I know exactly what's going on. But I still do stupid things without giving people an idea of my age. Luckily because I have preserved my youthful look. But even if they know, who cares? I know that some people cannot behave naively anymore, people will only be baffled instead of being charmed. Act your age, will you? Grow up! That's what they are going to get. But believe me, the last thing you want to do is to grow up. If you really want to be happy and free, you just have to stop worrying about what others think and just think for yourself.

People are too busy growing up these days or maybe just too busy faking it. Maybe it's time to loosen up a little and stop being unhappy? People spend the rest of their lives defending their world-view while others continue to adapt their views as they accumulate more experiences. Then there are those pretentious grown-ups mocking how foolish people were and how every generation was more stupid. They start talking like they know everything and will not change their minds anymore. Because they are adults, they stick to what they believe in. It's even harder to look like old fools in front of everyone. Once again, faking it.

I come to realize that real grown-ups might not really exist. Everyone has some repressed child quality in them that can come out if touched or provoked. One push of a button and the so-called grown-up can easily become a child again. Just look at how people interact with one another on the internet, like a bunch of grown-ups acting like children. You're older or that you're an adult kind of superiority attitude is not going to work for me anymore. They are just oversized kids pretending to be adults. There are younger people out there who have been through a lot that most adults have never experienced in their all-too-comfortable lives. Growing up is not really all about the age, it's more about what you have gone through in life.