Why We Lie and How to Stop

Everyone has done it at some point in their life. Either by way of a fib, a half-truth or a huge, relationship ending, bold faced lie, everyone at some point lies about something. But where does the need to be dishonest come from? Why do we feel the need to be less than truthful to both strangers and loved ones alike? I’ve given this subject a lot of thought over the years and taken in to consideration many variables including age, situation, reason, outcome, thought process and many others and have found one thing to be common throughout. So, why do we lie? Fear. Plain and simple.

When you think about it, many people are afraid of something, and many of multiple things. Some justified some not but, whether justified or not, the root cause is always fear. It could be a fear of many things. For example, fear of missing out, fear of letting down a loved one, fear of getting caught and as a result, fear of punishment of some sort, fear of looking stupid or incapable, fear of losing something or someone, fear of discovery, and the list goes on. Some could argue that we start our lives out being lied to (Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny ring a bell) and being that that happens during the formative years of life, is just something that sticks. I disagree. Sure, that may sound like a good reason but, it is only temporary logic pertinent during our youth. As soon as we age and begin to mature we can easily see the fallacy behind that way of thought as well as the purpose of little white lies like Santa and EB in that particular example (to enhance childhood or even to possibly instill a sense of wonder at a young age in an effort to promote creativity).

Setting aside the childhood reasons, dishonesty really has no place in the adult world (even though it permeates it extensively) and exists only to contribute to the chaos of the modern world. Yet it still seems to run rampant and rarely unchecked. Imagine for a second how smoother things would run if everyone were just honest with one another. Imagine how much less complex your own life would be if you stopped lying or being lied to. Imagine how many more people would trust their governments and corporations if dishonesty became obsolete.

So knowing how damaging and pointless lying can be, how can we personally stop contributing to this dishonest cycle? Quite simply, grow the fuck up and stop being afraid! Now let me just clarify here for a moment. Some fear is good and actually important. You should fear life threatening situations (You should fear kicking a rattlesnake or falling from a great height). What I’m talking about is becoming socially fearless. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever gotten and what I feel is one of the best pieces of advice anyone could receive is this:

Never give a fuck what anyone thinks!

Take a second to really think about that and be honest with yourself. How many times has your life been negatively affected because you were overly concerned with what someone else thought or said or how they acted towards you? How many times have you made decisions based on what someone else would want you to do? How much have you missed out on or failed to accomplish because you were worried that the result would hurt, anger, or displease someone else? Now ask yourself this and answer it honestly. How much more of your happiness, health, and life’s experience are you willing to sacrifice to please someone else who, most likely, wouldn’t even think to do the same for you? Hopefully at this point you’re a bit angry. Angry at yourself and all the people whose thoughts you overly and wrongly concerned yourself with and let dictate too much of your life. Now, here’s how to fix it.

Stop giving a fuck!

Not in general, but in terms of fearing all that dishonesty poorly attempts to alleviate. Once you’ve begun doing that, I want you to realize something.

You are not here for anyone other than yourself!

Should you choose to spend your time helping those who need it, outstanding, more people should be like you. But, this life you are living right now is your one and only chance to be this person, living in this time, loving the people you love, learning the things you learn, experiencing all you can to best fulfill and benefit you. Far too often we are consumed with the thoughts of other people. Far too often we are consumed by this ever-growing world with its constant responsibilities and distractions and we can forget that this is our time, our lives to shape and control and enhance anyway we see fit so take charge of that shit. Stop letting other people steer your life to benefit them. Stop lying to other people out of fear of what might happen or what they might think of you and most importantly, stop lying to yourself. This is your time and your life.

Be Fearless!

Take care and be well
GG