"No More Bad Job Interviews"

Here’s a Proven Way to Land Your Dream Job - Wolf of Wall Street Style… Guaranteed!   

Have you ever been asked to “sell me this pen” or any other similar item? It’s a common question typically asked during interviews and other settings to quickly separate those who knows their shit from those who are full of it. 

So, when presented with this type of qualifying question, the best way to handle this scenario like a savvy business minded pro is to lean back in your chair, well-rehearsed and in the know. 

Grip the pen in your hand, slowly rolling it between your fingers and thumb, look your opponent in the eyes, with a sly smile and squinted eyes, then reply… 

“Why would I sell you this pen?” 

“Because I need a fucking pen.” Or, “You are applying for a sales position within our company, aren’t you?” may be a typical response you might get. 

Whatever. At this point, it doesn’t matter what they say. 

The next words that come out of your mouth should be something along these lines… 

“Let me ask you a question… When was the last time you’ve used a pen?” 

Asinine question, I know. But moving on. 

“Man, I’m using one right now…” 

“Cool.” You retort, “What are you writing?” 

Let them talk here. At this point, they are going to give you all the information you’ll need to successfully make your sale. 

“I’m filling out these stupid notes for your interview to decide if you’re going to be an acceptable candidate for this position.” 

Oh, hard ball ‘eh? Alright, Bucko. Fasten your damn safety belt ‘cause the fucking rocket ship to the moon is blasting off in 3… 2… 1… 

Your appropriate reply: 

“Hmm… I see. So, it seems you’re telling me you’re working on some important boss like shit here… 

With the very stroke of that pen in your hand, you’re clearly setting some wheels into motion. Wheels that can move your company forward, potentially recruiting new and valuable team members to step up and take leadership positions, and eventually help expand by bringing new leaders on board, creating more jobs in multiple industries like sales, marketing, production, retail, manufacturing, etc… 

Helping people feed their families, send their kids to higher education, all while adding competitive values for society in the form of products or services that customers and clients will actually want to purchase on the open market… 

And naturally padding your own account as well as a reward for all the hard work involved in stimulating the economy. And all that value is happening as an effect of what you’re working on right now, with that very pen you’re using in this present moment.” 

“Umm, yeah man. It’s what we do around here.” 

“I hear ya. So, I can’t help but think of what it’s gonna be like for you ten years down the road.” 

“What do you mean?” Your interviewer might ask. 

“Well, obviously what you’re doing here today can have a ripple effect, causing life changing impact for a multitude of people. What’s more, I can only imagine someday, maybe towards the end of your career, you may be sitting on a beach somewhere sipping a piña colada, and reminiscing back on days like today, when it all began… 

A day when a moderately dressed, yet savvy and articulate applicant entered your office for the purpose of discussing a mutually beneficial transaction that could help move your business to profound heights of success and new levels of profitability… 

History in the making, as it were.” 

A short pause and inquisitive look later, “Well, I suppose these things are within the realm of possibilities.” 

“Yes, indeed they are. Not only are these things possible, they are also probable. It’s likely that you’ll recollect these very details in your own mind someday, or maybe even share a story of this pivotal point in your company’s history. 

The day when a carefully prepared applicant with clean shoes, a red and black diagonally striped tie, slightly over-sized navy-blue suit, but powerful body language, and unbreakable eye contact during conversation… 

An individual who is clearly taking this interview with an adult level of seriousness while knowing this moment can be a life changing event, not only for himself but possibly for others in the future as well.” 

“Interesting perspective.” The manager observes. 

“Yes, interesting I’ve got some long-term vision for my future goals.” You continue… “So, what kind of pen are you using. Is that a bic?” 

The manager glances at the pen in his hand. 

“Really?! You’re seriously filling out this important paperwork with an unmemorable bic pen? Your very first impression on me as a potential employer, a potential leader, mentor, teacher… And you’re choosing to complete these interview notes with a bic pen?” 

“Well, I uh…” The interviewer stammers, somewhat caught off guard. 

Here’s the part where you let them sweat it out for a minute, so they can process what’s being subliminally communicated. A professional should be having accessories that portray some status as it’s a part, albeit a small part of their projected self-image. So, call them out on it. But not for too long, just long enough for them to feel slight embarrassment for their lack of preparedness so they can adequately reflect on their judgement error. 

But maybe, just maybe your potential employer isn’t a bad person after all, and you might actually want the position in which you’re applying. So, the next words are designed to provide them with and easy out and help them save face. 

Simply say something along these lines… 

“It’s not a big deal…” 

Now it’s story time: 

“When I was much younger, we used bic pens all the time. They were cheap, functional, and worked great for stuff like writing shopping lists and getting phone numbers. But aside from that, there’s really nothing memorable about a bic pen. 

And you, good Sir, are clearly doing some important work for this company… Work designed to create lasting values for society, your customers, clients, partners, and everyone involved in moving this company forward. 

And it seems, for some reason you’re choosing to do this important work with an unmemorable bic pen.”

 Alright, dear reader, you see where we’re going with this? Hitting those emotional hot buttons, creating desire – not a desire for an average commodity like a pen, but the innate desire for status, professionalism on all levels, and class. 

Hook, line, and sinker! Now it’s time to reel them in for the close. 

And just for fun, let’s add an element of scarcity for this deal. Ha! 

“As it turns out,” you begin, “I’ve recently shipped my last two boxes of these pens to the White House. Donny had some Executive Orders on his desk, and he wanted to sign those Executive Orders with a memorable pen. So unfortunately, this is the only one I have left.” 

You then look your interviewer dead in the eyes while handing them the pen, and say… 

“Here, I suggest you take this one. Try it out for a week, and if you don’t like it for any reason just give me a quick call on my cell, and I’ll come back to personally collect the pen and you won’t pay me a cent.” 

And then smile a big toothy grin, “What do you say?” 

The best part come next, watching the manager’s jaw hit the floor! 

So, to recap, here is the formula: 

There is no pen. The pen is in your mind. 

Don’t try to sell the features of the pen, there is always a bigger picture of something more important. Ask qualifying questions and find out what your prospective buyer really wants and paint a verbal picture of how you can help them achieve that goal. 

And have some fun with this. It’s a game. 

If you don’t close the deal, you can probably still learn something that will add value to your arsenal of knowledge that can help you later in your journey of self-development. 

I hope you enjoyed reading and would be happy to hear from you in the comments.