People are sensitive. They are tempermental. They hold grudges. Rarely do people talk out problems.
I've been encountering this more and more frequently. Have YOU?
In the old days, if you had a problem with something someone said, or did, you'd confront them.
Today, no one does that. We just ignore or shun them and move on....
Why is that?
This is not about me specifically... it is just something I keep seeing like a reoccurring disease.
I'm the type of person that wants small problems settled quite quickly. If there is an issue, let's talk about it.
Today it seems everyone is just "too busy" to deal with small problems...
WHAT HAPPENS?
- Small problems become BIG problems. Grudges start to take place. There is an unspoken resentment for one another.
DON'T DO THAT
I am not exempt from this lesson neither. If something bugs me, I should vocalize it. If something bugs you about me, I only wish you would vocalize it. A trivial problem could easily be cleared up in a 5 minute conversation.
During elementary or public school, teachers would encourage kids to resolve their problems on the playground.
As adults, many of us don't resolve problems, we let them build up, and we skirt them. When I say "we" I mean.. MANY do..
Life is too short to let little trivial problems become huge unsolvable grudges and long term issues.
So with that being said, here is my advice:
- Talk to one another more. There is common ground in all of us. There is no need to just "stay away" or hold up artificial shields to prevent us from being disappointed by someone.
Ok @intelliguy -- tell me the truth -- where is this coming from?
I have the ability to detect body language, tone of voice, change of posture, or attitude when someone talks to me.
When there is a sudden abnormality... I have to wonder. OK, this person is upset about some situation, but it's not upsetting enough for them to confront me. Until they do, I have no idea why they're adjusting their demeanor towards me.
They actually may have legitimate reasons for this disappointment and frustration..
...but until 2 people who have differences can have that 5 minute talk, a small trivial problem will snowball until the point one person says to a 3rd or 4th party "Yeah, I don't like or trust that person"
Why is it easier to tell friends and family about problems you have someone instead of the person themselves?
- Cuz it's easier. You'd rather not get into problem-solving. That takes, effort, time, caring and urge.
WAIT A MINUTE - That is judgemental premature thinking -- jumping to conclusions. Good people are hard to find. Good people are inherently good. Good people are rare these days. Don't let silly trivial problems become some huge unnecessary wedge in friendships.
We all can (and will) make mistakes...
I suppose the reason I wrote this, is that just today, out of the ordinary, late at night..
I borrowed some eggs of a neighbor by cell phone text message at the last minute.
I felt bad about having to ask and text. The person was completely fine with it they seemed... or were they?
How would I ever know? Would they say something? Would they distance themselves from me? Am I overthinking things? Of course it seems like I am..
BUT THEN
..and a BIG BUT THEN...
I've experienced trivial things "just like this" before.. where someone was uncomfortable about things I said, did, neglected to do, or neglected to say... and now they're upset, annoyed...
...BUT they would never say anything. Come on... we're adults. We can talk to each other better than 5 or 6 year old kids on the playground at school. So why don't we?
...apparently this is one of life's mysteries... and it is silly.
So that's my rant for the day. Feels good to let it all out. The STEEM blockchain is good for things like this...
Comments? OH I would love them.. Let me know what you think or it has happened to you.
Fantastic write-up. As an older guy I and many others from my generation have these thoughts. It is a striking testament to how modern media/political/educational frameworks/structures have shaped or conditioned people to think and behave; compared to the generations of their parents and grandparents. The shift in modern behaviour is alarmingly different (not for the better) when thought about.
A good indication of this is if you watch an old movie anywhere in the range of the 1930-1940. People spoke with more respect to one another.
At one time, if there was a problem in the neighborhood, especially concerning kids, the adults would sit down for coffee and have a talk.
Times have changed, and we won't get them back.
However one thing we can do is acknowledge and realize the difference. Awareness is the first step to slow down this weird tangent we seem to be on.
Thank you for your comments... I read them with peaked interest. You said it well.
Yes I have, it's frustrating. I think the increased demands on our lives have caused us all to be more stressed and less patient
You said it! Fully agree.
Incredible postingannya friend. This becomes a new lesson for me. I often encounter temperamental people around my residence and workplace. I want them to always laugh by letting go of the torture of their hearts. Thank you for sharing and I really like this post
I really like your comment. I knew I wasn't the only one out there seeing this.. Thank you also for taking the time to write back. It's the comments that people write, just like you did, that makes it worth my time to share my thoughts.
Thanks again @rizasukma
I looked at your blog and see you are very active in the indonesia tag. You write very good stuff with eye catching photos. Would be nice if you would do an english one every now and then, so when you comment on someone's blog and they can only read english, they can find out more about you.
Thank you for the attention you have given me. This is a very good input for me. I am very happy to read it. I am very lucky to be able to recognize you very kindly. I hope you will give lessons and lead me a little more forward in this Steemit. I want to learn a lot from you. Hope you are willing :-) happy to get to know you
You are very smart person and seems you are also very sensitive .! I will tell you my opinion about . People are diferent , some times they have diferent points of view also . I try to respect the position of every one but on end i care only what the people close to me think about me ! I wont spend time or efort prove to someone not important to me WHAT i am and how i am ! Words can hurt only if they come from people we care about :)
Yes, I know, and thanks for that reminder. It's a simple statement, but it holds a lot of meaning.
We shouldn't stress out about such things that we cannot change. :)
Or for people who clear show they dont want to fix the things , because not sayng what you think or how you fee is this !
Yup. Some people just grew up spoiled and can't take a joke, or they get mad for the dumbest things. I agree with you friend.
Agreed. As @rawpride said in a comment on this blog:
That's a good reason for it. Malnutrition and diet with GMO foods and harvested produce from the plant or tree early can contribute. Smog, wifi signals, cell towers, satellite signals... You don't have to be a conspiracy theorist to agree, our lives are completely out of balance...
I remember the good old days. Rather than letting a problem fester, we would settle things out behind the shed. Then we all went fishing together.
Yes, and that often created hard and steadfast friendships that lasted a lifetime. Butting heads with someone is normal. Conflict in life is normal. Resolution to conflicts seems rare these days.... yet we all want to go fishing together. :)
People often wonder why countries and governments are in constant disagreement and resentment for one another. Well to understand why, we should look at home, and our own personal relationships in our life to see how that is possible. :)
My sentiments exactly.
People will start their grudges when you are their competition, otherwise no one cares what you are doing or if you are successful, then your relatives will be jealous @intelliguy
They went to government ran schools and were no longer allowed to offend/speak the truth for fear it would hurt their feelings... Older generations were not raised to be snowflakes that melt at the first sign of heat...Just my opinion ;-)
The education system doesn't do enough. Lessons at home aren't enough. Observing how adults interact when you were a child use to be enough.
Now adults interact poorly, which teaches our kids to do the same. We're in this never ending cycle of getting worse and worse at conflict resolution as a result. :(
I am a very optimistic person however I did lose faith in love here on earth, then humanity and, finally, myself. It makes it very discouraging when avoiding but trying to deal with others especially in the work environment where you have to. Especially in the 'Age of Entitlement' we live in. This is why I took a $40,000+ cut in pay to just wash dishes in a quiet corner - social engagement (in person) is potential confrontation which I avoid like the plague. For me it just comes down to the simple fact that this life has k!cked my @$$.
Now I just come on here to enjoy crypto-social enjoyment. Thank you Steemit.
I'd like to write about you in my next post if you don't mind. You have a very interesting story. I would simply pull certain things you wrote about in your blog already and use them as a reference.
Your quiet corner, is a safe place from the chaos in the world. I respect it. It's just unfortunate that society keeps closing themselves in... life is suppose to be fun and fulfilling.
Thank you good sir @intelliguy - I appreciate the support very much ! Steemit is a good positive place and I try hard not to let my frustrations cloud my sense of humor and good nature. I have only offered a percent of a percent (maybe!) so far of my perspective and struggles but if that is enough for your narrative you have my blessing. Thank you for caring enough to do that. I have read good friendly advice here, and constructive criticism. I am ok with all of it. Thanks again !
Did you come back to my blog to see yourself in lights?
WoW ! Man that is honestly the nicest thing anyone has done / said for me all year ! I can't thank you enough for taking the time to do that. I was hesitant to resteem your post because I truly am here more so for the people-connection than $$$. I did go ahead and do it because you certainly deserve credit for being the kind person you are. I think the potential is there that I could just as easily have been attacked but you took the thoughtful angle and I really appreciate it. You a glass half-full guy like me and I am glad to call you a friend here on tha Steemit! I will do all I can pay it forward as the Steemit doctrine dictates, and make you proud. God Bless you sincerely ! ~ Brother Lance
I think people have different definitions of drama nowadays where they perceive any sort of conflict, whether it be major or minor, as drama. Where actually it is in fact a way to resolve the drama! Things are sooooo different now than they were... I'd like to know the exact reason for this dramatic change. Most people blame technology for some reason or another but... is it? I am sure it plays a huge factor... obviously it is not technology itself's fault, since it's basically a tool. It is our fault. But what made this acceptable? #lifesmysteries