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RE: That Post You Almost Didn't Notice Until You Saw This Fancy Title and then Couldn't Resist Looking
If you won't pick up a pitchfork, perhaps you can be recruited to take up a pickaxe. What about a scythe? That might be more fitting...
Maybe a hatchet for each hand and a few throwing stars. Not just any throwing stars though. I'll need some with the center of mass far out to one side, so I can throw curves and spirals and really mess with people.