Am I alive?

And in the emptiness, there is nothing left. This sounds contradictory but doesn't begin to describe the void. The gravity pulls, the mind succumbs, the gravity pulls.
The identity that never was starts to distort as I begin to forget what I am. I couldn't use a more suitable pronoun since I never knew what I was. Breath shortens, there's unwellness, there's unrest, there is a feeling of something not being right. Maybe it's life, maybe it's me, maybe I am too naive to understand what is wrong. Maybe I don't want to know and that subconscious decision troubles me even more. I want things to end but I am hesitant. I am afraid. I am helpless, sad and alone. Take all the words in the vocabulary and you couldn't find one that says what I want to say, that expresses how I feel. I never wanted to get here. I was forced down the path by the man with my eyes taped and I didn't have a stick to guide me. In this world, I am obsolete. There isn't a thing that I do that gives peace. There isn't a time I am happy. A momentary feel of satisfaction, I seldom get. After all I've been through, does it really make sense? Should I be forced to do things? To say things, to smile and wave for your pleasure? Should I be told how I should behave just so that I can make you happy? Did I really sign up for this? Am I really living for you? How am I supposed to live if everything that I want is against you and your system? Did you bring me here just so that you could force orders down my throat? Why is it so necessary to obey when all I want is for you to leave me to be me and not what you want me to be? Why don't you let me go and start things on my own. If suffocating me is all that you want to do, shouldn't I be allowed to run away from all this and leave you in dismay?