Turning into a vampire

For the past few weeks I’ve been plagued by horrible bouts of insomnia, to the point I’ve come to believe I might be turning into a vampire, which I find most inconvenient. I have zero interest in drinking blood, red wine will do nicely, thank you very much. Plus, I’ve never been into vampire books or movies. If I had a choice, I’d much rather turn into a witch. I have the hair, my nails are long enough and I like to paint them black occasionally. All I need is practising a particularly evil cackle. How hard can that be?

Not being able to sleep, I’m starting to understand all the misconceptions poor vampires have to deal with on a daily basis. Not only they get to spend long miserable nights all alone, knowing everyone else is enjoying a trip to dreamland, but they also face being ridiculed for not being able to function properly during daytime. In fact, I believe all this idea about blood drinking is a huge misunderstanding. I don’t think it’s blood they’re after, it’s just the terrible rage that gets them to tear at people’s throats. And with good cause. Just imagine you’re a closet vampire and you try your best to seem normal, staring into your mug of coffee, praying for a miracle and in comes some cheery morning creature. ‘Oh, you’re up, finally. I already did my yoga and posted on Steemit’. Seriously, it takes an insane amount of willpower not to jump at the creature’s throat.

It’s not that I want to become a vampire and I’ve tried my best to be normal. Wine doesn’t help, nor does chamomile tea. Reading before bedtime used to work, but my eyes start to hurt now and at some point I’m no longer reading, but rather trying to make out the words and probably imagining a completely different story in my mind. I wouldn’t be surprised if the character I like most turns out to have died three chapters ago.
Besides worrying over useless shit, people suffering with insomnia are said to come up with some pretty creative ideas while they toss and turn for hours. Yeah, but what’s the point? Last night I came up with an idea for a story I could write. All very good, except I’ve already had two coffees and my brain is still foggy. I wouldn't trust myslef to write a shopping list.I also thought about how I really should be doing some more study with my son and thought of a funny physics problem, not quite age-appropriate, but hey, it was like 5 am… do I have the energy to do physics? Obviously, not. All I can think of is lying down for a bit… and the fact that it’s about to rain isn’t helping at all….

The only positive thing about insomnia is that I can at least keep an eye on the markets. I don’t know who’s responsible, but the moment you take your eyes off the market, bam, a billion dollars gets wiped out. See, now that I’m at my computer all’s well, Bitcoin just passed $ 4,000 (for a bit, at least). Now you know who to thank…
Oh, another drawback of turning into a vampire - I’ll have to give up garlic! Not that I eat it every day, but, you know, French fries without garlic are soo boring!

So tired, this meme actually seems funny!

Thanks for reading