Four years ago I was the loneliest women I bet, I smiled but I am wrecked. Some of my closest friends who knows my story was shocked for sure, happy as well I assumed 😄 that finally I was out of the dark room. My life now is totally opposite from before, full of thunder and miseries.

Four years ago I fell in love so deeply, for me it was an answered prayer. I locked my heart to him instantly, it felt like a love-struck. Love can bring us happiness, inspiration, excitement and hope, that's what I feel whenever I'm with him. But it is true that this kind of feeling won't last a lifetime and it happened, he abandoned me after two years.

I build my future with him, assuring that he'll do the same to me. I am wrong, I know I was wrong but I continued, hoping that leaving me will be his last option. I was doomed, that moment when he bid goodbye, my hurt stumble, crashing like a dump truck hits it. I am helpless, depressed,... self-pity becomes by habit.

From that moment, I drowned myself in drinking. I cried a river of tears, reminiscing of the memories repeatedly to keep me alive. Everyday and every night, I have to deal with the pain. I became numb and out of touch with reality, I choose to live unhappy. I wanted him to see how desperate I am, maybe in that way he'll pity me and come back again. But non of it matters to him, I was no longer important as I am used to be before. It was so difficult, I was in denial stage and having a hard time to accept that we will never be together again.

It's been only half a year, how fast it is. It was like a bucket of ice water was poured to me or was hit by a lightning that I can't able to move. Is this fucking serious?! Still in denial but more of feeling betrayed. Again, I cried a sea of tears this time. It's more painful than before, I feel so stupid, madness run in my veins that I want to punch him in his face. There are so many moment I thought of doing a revenge. My heart is in deeply pain, my mind is confuse and it keeps telling me ruin him!

Thankfully I am I did not do that, I have friends around me who keep advising and comforting me. I learned how to stand again and see my self in different way, this is the time for a change!

I chose to be happy, I divert the pain. I switched on my drives and passion through hiking, engaging myself to nature. It soothes me and brings peace of mind. I realized how lucky I am, I am single yes but not in pain at all. Sometimes memories keep coming back, it'll always be. But I learn to laugh at it and crying? Nah, I'm done with it! The way of the Lord is so surprising, unexpected. Trusting him is a good choice, it's confusing but in the end you'll see.

Star's won't be seen if there's no darkness, failures are there to give us hope. Whenever you are weary be positive. For every inch of darkness there's a certain light that will guide us, look around, most importantly at the brighter side of it.