You gotta do what works best for you and if medication works then tell those people judging you to pike off. I've felt a lot of the same things throughout my life, like feeling always alone even when surrounded by love etc. After the death of my wife, the doctors had me try a few different anti-depressants which only served to make me want to kill myself. I stopped taking them immediately. I have to say meditation and I hate to say exercise, especially yoga helped a lot as does pouring my heart out in my lyrics. What I hate is people around me criticizing my lyrics for being too negative. I tend to see reality, not sugar coated fake positive that's not there. Anyway, I'll resist ranting about that and just say I wish you peace with your journey.