Pigs

Eh up duck!

I cried as I sauntered into the lounge.

The Good Lady and her Doula friend Olette looked up from where they were crouched over the big table pushing at little pieces of paper.

Are you trying to be Northern?

Squawked Olette fixing me with a raptor-like stare.

Who, me, luv?

I cried with a merry swish as I headed into the kitchen on the hunt for meat.

Never mind him, he always wakes up in a 'hilarious' mood on a Monday.

The Good Lady sighed putting her head down and getting back to whatever the pair of them had been up to.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed they had glitter-glue. I twitched violently. Nothing good ever comes of glitter-glue.

I took a couple of steps back and attempted to peek at the table to see what they were doing.

Oi!

Both the Good Lady and Olette cried as they shielded their doings with their leathery arm-things.

I shuddered at the tiny glimpse I had managed to catch of their doings. It looked suspiciously like what ladies think vulvas look like. Lots of them made out of paper and glue. Like insane feminist wedding confetti.

Hmmph. I don't know why they hadn't asked me to join in. I could have achieved a much more realistic look with some jerky and caramelised onion.

Are you making Christmas decorations?

I asked innocently.

Olette made a grumping noise then answered.

Of a sort, yes.

She shook her head at the folly of men.

I peeked to the side and managed to see a little more.

Just to be sure... are those little vaginas or pigs you are stringing together?

I asked with rakishly handsome humour.

Daddy-Bear, beat it. We are busy.

Snipped the Good Lady without looking up.

Ok, I'll beat it. Just one thing though?

I hovered on the brink of lounge and kitchen.

Both of the doula women looked up at me suspiciously.

Yes?

They skrawked almost as one.

I hope you're not going to hang them up outside the house because the neighbors across the way, well, you know.. they're Muslim and you know the whole pig thing?

I grinned like a handsome fellow who still had both ears.

Right you... Beat it!!

The Good Lady shouted, throwing something pink and wobbly in my direction.

I gave a final chuckle and ran.