Thingmy

The good lady has been missing bonding with the little lady what with the new arrival taking up a fair amount of her time. She mentioned this and I had a thought.

Hey what if I take mini boom out to the shops and you and the little lady can have a bit of time together to shake the shake?

Her face lit up.

Oh wow, would you? That would be awesome, I know she has been missing the attention a bit since the baby.

I put both my hands on my hips and cocked my pelvis manfully at her.

Pfft no worries chick-chick. This is what I do!

As soon as she turned away my bravado grin fell off my face with a clang. Oh shit? Take the baby out, just me and him minus the magical mummy boob of cry stopping? This was hardcore. Oh baws.

Shortly after I had prepared all the stuff and lifted the little boom up in the car seat. The good lady gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Thanks boom dawg. We really need this.

No worries my little potato pie. Now, you have loaded him up with the booben haven't you?

Yes Daddy bear.

She rolled her eyes slightly and waved me off.

Remarkably, the little man slept like a log all the way there. I wandered in got the required shopping and then went for a coffee. Throughout the coffee, I was on tenterhooks waiting for a crazy fit of mad wailing and forlorn calling for the boob, like a wolf in the night.

He slept on. Holy flip, I thought. I settled into the big comfy couch and prepared for some serious steeming. A while later I had finished up and he was still sleeping. This is awesome, thought I. I have practically made it. I got my stuff together and headed out of the shopping mall.

I was just at the exit when a voice called.

Boom Dawg! Hello! And who is this?

I froze, in front of the pram was a guy from work whom I knew slightly and what could be his wife.

Ah, hello. This young chap is the little boom!

Oh he's so cute, how old now?

Erm, two, no wait, three weeks!

My brain was struggling to kick into gear due to the sleep deprivation. Worryingly, I could also not remember the guys name at all. He was throwing mine into every sentence as if to show off.

This is my wife Janet, Janet meet Boom Dawg. We work together.

I smiled in a deranged way at Janet. Shit, what was this guys name? Could I just get away with calling him dude? Nah, he was in his fifties. You can't just go calling guys in their fifties dude like some kind of stoner.

Janet asked me a few questions about baby boom which my brain struggled to deal with. All the while, the fact that I couldn't remember the dude's name was twisting and turning in my head. Oh god. What if he realised I had no idea what his name was. Flip, he sat only a few seats beside me?!

No-name dude smiled his confident easy I remember peoples names no bother smile and said,

And how is... ehm...

He faltered, a stricken look on his face.

How is...em... thingmy?

Thingmy? I thought my memory was bad but THINGMY!?! He was obviously asking after the good lady.

A big red switch flicked on in my head.

Thingmy Richard? Thingmy?! Do you mean the good lady? Goodness, did you hear that Janet? Thingmy! He has met her loads of times too!

Janet and me laughed at her silly husband and his thingmy nonsense. I made sure to laugh that little longer and little more manically than anyone with any sense would. Just to make it clear I was a loon that should be avoided at the best of times and that if you couldn't avoid me perhaps you shouldn't call my wife thingmy.

We parted ways. The little boom still asleep. Ah, this looked like a fine day! An opponent bested and a baby who had slept the entire afternoon. What could possibly go wrong!

Little Boom's eyes snapped open like a fiend in a horror film.

Oh heck, it was going to be a long drive.