Speaking after truth, a learned response

Growing up with only two older brothers as siblings, I was used, abused, and often bruised. Nothing nefarious in their misdoings towards their little brother, just the typical stuff. You know, the highly competitive nature that usually underlines so many sibling relationships. As far as I can remember, that temptation of challenge always existed. But, without going into some incidents that would better describe just how competitive we were, I will just let you trust me in my statement. Now, 30 plus years after establishing that I would live in this world as an overly competitive person, I can see how it has shaped much of my life. I would see just how such a trait had put me on a journey of reversal.

Many years had passed since that childhood desire to win swelled up within. And then, one day, all of the sudden the world was different. It was on that day that I accepted I was not what... I was, but was rather what they wanted. And there was no way I could allow that. That youthful, competitiveness came thundering back. I could not stop the desire of winning from taking over my ability to do. To speak with others, to have them join my team, this was the task I would topple. I thought of it as simple.

But this time, there would be no victory or loss. Nope, my trophy would be that of a lonely man with a finishing place of none. It wasn't for lack of attempt or production. The things I now knew were powerful and could not be denied. So, why did my attempt end with an unfiltered truth clearly showing the challenge at hand was larger than the universe I once studied and knew existed? Because I knew absolutely nothing about people and that really hurt because I always thought I had a good understanding of the human thought process. And it was then that I stopped caring about pushing and pushing. To win, now meant to become effective in technique, in style. I had come to the realization that I was no one. I really didn't have the power or ability to change the world. It was way too big and I was way too small. But together, slowly and calmly, maybe we could become one. It would just now be at a pace that may not be measurable.

In my line of work, I meet new people all of the time. Actually, most people I meet relating to my job are my customers. The meetings are almost always casual, friendly, and at times, the conversation can become a little deeper than most. It has taken me years to learn how to, and get people to, engage in conversations related to topics that are not mainstream. It's no longer about me and what I have learned, but instead, it's centered around what they think. And, as a customer, I never want to make them feel uncomfortable. Remember the first impression rule. From my past encounters it's quite accurate in determining how a person looks at me, no matter the amount of time that passes. So, our conversations usually start with topics that have been approved by the masses for stranger on stranger introductions and follow-throughs. You know, weather, sports, and maybe where they live or grew up. I traveled throughout my childhood and have knowledge of many areas in the United States. So, I use that as a way to associate with the person I am speaking with. I have seen just how easy some are willing to relax once they know a little something about me. I then want to know if they are more on the open minded side of thought. So, instead of possibly closing that open mind, I ask them a question relating to something we have already discussed. For instance, If we spoke of the weather, I will say something like "I heard this guy on tv saying something about pollution causing global warming". Talking about this type of subject will give you the appearance of asking a question that you can easily back away from if they react in an unexpected way. By making a statement like that, it also gives you the appearance of ignorance or curiosity. You will be able to tell their train of thought immediately, as most people either do, or don't believe in global warming. Plus, it's very mainstream and probably will not link you to any defensive or bothersome thoughts they may have developed. It's the association of experiences people have relating to your comments that usually alter their opinion of you. And in today's expanding and never ending choice of information (fictitious or not), who knows what kinds of experiences people may believe they have been through. It's also a safe topic that can easily open the doors to much more. People love to give their opinion on topics that are socially acceptable. From their response, If the feeling is right, I will throw in a comment about something a little more risque. However, if they say something that goes against the path I laid out, I simply and happily agree with their assessment and usually end an attempt at progress there. And I can tell you, after years of doing this, it doesn't matter what age, color, race, sexual preference, or any other describing factor a person claims, we are all the same. We all disagree with what others believe. Never have I met a person that has the same mindset as any other person. What you and I think about each other did not develop organically. It's not natural. It's an artificial construct that keeps us at a distance just far enough for communication to often fail. Slowly though, that distance is converging and truth is becoming truth. And for those that can not, or will not engage in the journey, I understand.