Another Absence Explained

Hey, everyone. (Here's a random photo I took in Olathe, Kansas.)

Wow, it's been so long since I've written here! My goal is to write a post at least every other day, but it doesn't take a genius to observe that I've been away for a couple months.

I feel like my mindset has changed quite a bit since anyone heard from me last and I have all kinds of new things to talk about and share with everyone.

First, I'll explain my absence:

There are a few of you who were keeping up with my posts enough to learn I had several health problems affecting me deeply. I was tested for multiple sclerosis, neuromyelitis optica, and lupus.

The last time I spoke about it here I told everyone we found what was wrong and that it was something simple: five herniated discs and osteoarthritis.

It wasn't actually that simple.

I've since been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but that still does not explain some of my lingering symptoms.

For example, I have a condition called optic neuritis, which means that my optic nerve (which connects my eyes to my brain) is inflamed. Optic neuritis is an indication of inflammation of the nervous system.

So what are the causes of optic neuritis? Well, there are a few. Diabetes is one cause, although I've passed seven glucose tests. Serious infection is another cause, and my white and red blood cell count are normal every time my blood is drawn. The only other cause of optic neuritis is an autoimmune/neurological disorder. Soo, we are still on the hunt.

Multiple sclerosis is the number one cause of optic neuritis, so I might need duplicate testing down the road to ensure that MS is not the culprit.

My health has been a primary factor for my absence, but I've also experienced a few drastic life changes since I wrote last.

I lived in Texas and my life there wasn't doable anymore. I come from a poverty-ridden family, so I'm sure you can imagine how having a baby at 19 years old plunged me deeper into poverty.

I love the father of my daughter; he takes wonderful care of us emotionally and physically, but he was born into a family just as poor as mine. Unfortunately there were ways he was unable to take care of us because money is so important.

As I'm sure you've assumed, I wasn't working for obvious reasons - sometimes I'm so numb I can't walk - and his job that paid $9 an hour was not something we could make work anymore for a family of three.

I'm a naturally talented writer; I'm not perfect, but considering I didn't go to college I think I write pretty well. I was lucky enough to come across an article on The Penny Hoarder that mentioned writing for pay on Upwork.com. I created an account and made pretty decent money ghostwriting for various blogs and writing horror plots, but it still wasn't cutting it.

John, my fiancé, had an aunt near Kansas City that we visited four or five months back. It was John's first time to see his aunt in fifteen years, so we were all pretty much strangers. We ended up having a nice time when we visited her, so when July came and we were a week from being homeless, she offered us her basement.

Needless to say, we packed our crap and headed for Kansas and we've been here for five weeks now.

It's been hectic, awkward, and scary, but we're so grateful we've been given an opportunity to do something with our lives and hopefully give our daughter a better life than what we previously thought we were capable of.

John's Aunt Chelle, her four teenagers, her husband, my daughter, my fiancé, and myself all live in the home. It's a big house, and like I said, we're in the basement so it's not so bad - just awkward during family dinners or when we have to go upstairs to take a shower or use the bathroom. (Honestly, how are you supposed to relate to people whose stress mainly stems from whether or not they have money to purchase a condo on the beach when my type of stress consists of wondering if I have enough money to take my sick toddler to the doctor?)

John is hopefully about to start working for Amazon, so that leaves me to figure out what the heck I need to do to help us move forward.

I would give up almost anything to have the opportunity to go to college, but I fear several things about going and don't know if it's possible right now.

There are also wonderful jobs in the area that I would love to apply for, however, I'm not capable of physical work or sticking to a strict schedule when my body is so unpredictable.

That leaves me with the impression that my only option right now is to try to find a doctor in Kansas to pick up where my Texas doctors left off. All I can do is hope I'm on medication with a clear diagnosis soon so I can contribute to my family's needs and not be a bum for a mother.

However, doctors require money, which we won't have until John starts working at Amazon - that leaves me with a lot of free time.

With that being said, I've started writing a book. Obviously I'm not expecting to make money off of it any time soon, but since I do have free time, I'm writing a book in hopes that one day it will turn into something.

I'm on my third chapter and I would love to share the first one with you all soon. It's fiction - kind of a thriller/romance.

Aside from working in the medical field, one of the only things I've ever wanted to do is be an author. I love books, I love fiction, and I want to create something very special for others to read. Even if publishers hate my writing and I have to self publish, I will. I just want to accomplish something.

I'm going to dedicate as much time as I can to Steemit from this point forward. I want to keep writing and reading intelligent material; I hope it will open up my brain and help me ease back into the writing world and tap into my hidden creativity.

I'm looking forward to getting to know this place. I'm so happy to be far away from the small town I grew up in. I love not fearing that if I go to the grocery store I'll run into a girl who bullied me relentlessly in school. I love feeling like I can go outside and exercise without fearing someone from the past will drive by.

I feel like where I used to live, I would not have raised my daughter to my fullest potential. I would have kept her inside and in the dark where I preferred to hide because I was so uncomfortable around others. She would have grown up a couch potato with no social skills and no knowledge of a world outside of our apartment. I feel awful thinking about it.

Anyway, now that I've babbled everyone half to death, I thank you for reading about my life today. I have so many ideas, theories, and stories I look forward to talking about with everyone. I've truly missed the kindness and the support that Steemians show one another.