Scrawls Of A Psychonaut: Some Dreams Do Come True

A series of thoughts centered around a month spent volunteering at Dreams Hostel in Goa, India

I sent away my request to volunteer at this place in December last year. Down in Mysore, it was high times. A few weeks without all the extras. A new connection with the stars. The strongest inclination I had ever felt to do something outside my logical scope of reason. I was reminded of that feeling last night. Not directly, but through remembering what I took away from the New Years Experience – There are still many lessons to learn. The Diamonds gig was on the forefront of my mind down there – the big question – that was answered without me really asking it. It was one of those questions I don’t like to ask. Maybe because I sense the conflict – the conflict between ego and spirit. What a strange thing - to trust a thought. A mere thought alone, that is essentially going against something inside you, but one that is also accompanied by the knowledge of ‘the right thing to do’. Isn’t this the nature of everything though? We feel it only when there is conflict. Conflict between the intentions of the self and the intentions of the All. And maybe also only apparent after much time contemplating such a decision – after really brushing away all the dust to access the real question. These are decisions of a certain weight, a certain gravity. These are the decisions that define us. Define our path. They question how close we want to entwine ourselves with the Divine.

I am reminded of a Dream I had recently. Someone wise telling me to “Take back as much as I could.” Take back as in to bring back. The original beauty of language. To transmute into words, that which we experience. What a strange beast it has become. Perhaps we should have just stuck to the cave paintings. But that is one of the faults of Man – we cannot resist the new, the potential power. We must try, after all it is always our own creation. ‘Our’ own?

But is there a way? To see the potential of something. ‘See’ probably isn’t the right word but to feel the potential of something without being ego-invested in it. What is that potential that we feel then? If not from the ego, how strange to think of potential, how alien. It goes even beyond global potential. Because global potential is the potential of the world from our point of view AKA our perfect world. Doesn’t that ultimately have ego in it. So then what if this ‘feeling’ of potential in things comes from outside us [or inside us]. Away from the self in any case. What if that feeling told us things. Is this the same thing as ‘going with your gut’ as we used to hear so many times at school. Maybe it is. Maybe that’s why those phrases are so present. Its like the word ‘vibe’. Such an accurate description of energy exchange that has become so overused people have forgotten what it actually means AKA what they’re actually saying. This is the downfall of language, and any technology for that matter. Overuse. We all know it too. We have all learnt that lesson many times in our lives and most of us will go on learning that lesson for a long time. To get high and eat cake is an experience, to do it everyday is a discredit to potential. But how deep have we gone? This language thing was one of the first but look what has come from it, look what has built apon it. To speak about the overuse of language is incomparable to the overuse of technology that has formed a symbiosis with language. Computers, Media, Politics, Intellectual knowledge. Sure, they do so much for us. I am writing this now without ink, without parchment. Without a sharpstone or a cave wall. These inscriptions are the subtlest of their kind. I called Peter yesterday. Or Peter called me I should say. He’s on the other side of the fuckin word and were having a conversation. A patchy conversation but a conversation no less. Communication of minds. But so much more than that! Communication of spirits. Not with everyone though. There’s only a few people I feel that with over a radio wave. I think the more you know a person the more you experience that connection.

I think when were ‘talking’ to someone. We hear what they say, we process it – we listen to the words, we think what those words mean to us, we think what those words mean to them. We access the situation, the environment, what kinds of drugs we’re all on etc etc. Do we create a feeling or do we feel a feeling? We have a complete image of this someone in our minds. When they talk, we observe. But we observe much more than what they say. On some level I’d say we observe what they feel [and i want to use the word feel here, not think]. We observe what they feel and then we observe our feeling of that – our reaction to that. We then create a new image of this someone based on what we have observed – both in us and them. The someone becomes a new someone constantly. But people don’t seem to change much. Well, I think people we know become much more constant – we know what they are about, we know the words that they speak, there is less ‘new’ information coming in each conversation. Sure there may be new days, new words, new things in their bag but they are the same. What is that change in others then? That constantly evolving impression? Is that us? Looking back at ourselves? Seeing ourselves in others. Mirrors have become a broken concept. The best mirror is not the clear lake. It is definitely not the thin piece of metal hanging in your bathroom – It is other people. People that are not part of your ego but are intrinsically a part of you. That is where the reflections occur. So when I’m talking to someone, I’m constantly learning, developing. But I think sometimes the talking is irrelevant. Thinking achieves the same. Thinking of someone, deeply accessing their person, allows you to ‘interact’ essentially, in a true manner. To feel a loved one in thought, to feel that interaction, that learning, that knowledge. Constantly developing. Unfolding. To experience that connection allows us to experience the oneness. The oneness makes it possible. The Divine Matrix. That is true strength. Truth itself. Then what of the girl who I think of most? What of that phone call I receive on that particular day at that particular moment? Such divine beauty in that. The kind of beauty I feel lying on my bed after a heavy spliff. Taken away from the here, thinking of a special friend. What a deep sense of connection there. Such an unfolding, a learning, a feeling… Then what has this all become? Advertisements, prank calls, and the taxman. They use this to hold us, to keep us here, in our minds, thinking about mind things. So lost we all are. Way out. Way way out. Hurtling through space. Alone, for the most part. With nothing to hold on to. The last thing we need is a bloody telemarketer. We need real connection. We need real love. We need to find people like us. We need to make connections in the moment, never delayed. We need these because they are the only things that will support us in the times to come. They are the rocks we hold outside of ourselves. Our beckons of light in the darkness. Our dreams, that sometimes come true.