Trying harder doesn't work

When you have a negative issue to deal with, that you cannot overcome, "try harder!" people say.

This simply does not work to fix something. Suppose you are overweight, of course you want to lose weight, but you keep consuming unhealthy food in large quantities. Well, try harder! one might tell you. Perhaps as well you tell yourself the same over and over..

So, you try harder! You put down the extra calories one day, and avoid the junk food. Then life happens, you are busy and need a quick meal, or you get angry or depressed and want some comfort food. Trying harder isn't working, you do not have the will or energy to reach your goal.

This random ramble isn't about weight loss, or food. It is about a lack of genuine care when we tell somebody to try harder. Maybe my son is struggling at math homework.., "I can't do it dad." "Try harder son!"

Have you ever stopped and thought about those words, what are we even saying? If my son tries harder he can be Einstein by tonight? 

"I'm trying as hard as I can but I can't! I should be able too! What is wrong with me?"

Actually no, you are not able too, and nothing is wrong with you. 

Suppose I take my son to the gym. I know the exact maximum weight he can bench press, and I add 30 lbs to it. "Son, I want you to bench press this one." He tries as hard as he can to prove he can do it. He struggles, arms shaking, I yell at him over and over "Try harder son!" Of course my "encouragement" will fail. Even if his life depended on it, he is physically unable to bench press the extra 30 lbs

Then suppose I take my son to the gym 4 times a week, he trains with more weight little by little. He strengthens his muscles with consistent weight training. He gets tired, he has setbacks, but he keeps training little by little. One day without realizing it, he is bench pressing 30 lbs over his original maximum with ease.

Where trying harder failed, habit and time prevailed. If you want to change something, it will take on average 3 months of "training" to make it a habit. To make it easy.

Don't try harder, just consistently train which will change your thinking. Then eventually your issue won't be a struggle anymore.