Burnt Out & Fighting The Good Fight
If you are a first time reader on my profile, I have been preparing past ten months for an Ironman triathlon in Hamburg and at present, I am a mere two weeks away from race day.
I have made huge improvements in the past ten months relative to how I started out, from a background of ultra running and no real structured training regime not really knowing what I was doing. Simultaneously I have monumentally improved in my previously virtually non existent relationship with God, which I feel as too often gone unsung in previous posts. Check out the link at the end of the post if you’d like to read my testimony.
Testing new race day equipment and fighting the heat on the bike...
Despite these collective improvements, the past 8 week training block has been absolute hell. I have never worked so hard and fought so hard in such a tactically unfavorable position.
To put this into context, during the height of my weekly training volume I’d swim 10 to 15 km per week, ride 300 to 400 km per week and run 40 to 60 km per week. So to put that into perspective, I’d burn approximately 4,500 calories per day. 2.5x the normal calorie expenditure of the average healthy male. So yeah, tiring. At the same time we are having an unusually hot summer here in the UK, particularly where I live in the south east, where at present it hasn’t rained for more than 12 weeks. This was a huge shock to the system, as for most of the year I have been training on the west coast of Wales in Aberystwyth, where I study. There it is on average significantly cooler and wetter. I have also been spending a lot of time while battling this training volume working for my parent’s photography business who has recently endured its peak working time as it handles a lot of Cambridge University graduation. For me, this entails a lot of heavy lifting moving staging for large group photos, the production of frames and sales...exhausting stuff on top of this kind of training volume. A far from ideal working pass time to recover from training.
Attempting to cool down after stopping to buy some water mid ride...
From a more Christian point of view, I am very young in my faith relatively speaking, and relied heavily on the fellowship of my Church in Aberystwyth. By the grace of God having made new and extremely fruitful friendships with fellow church goes sharing similar interests in cycling and other active pass times, it has been tough being back home. Cut off from them in person, and feeling like a black sheep being home with my non Christian family. Of course I continue to attend church even whilst at home, but it has been with great difficulty attempting to gel with members of the congregation. In an attempt to remedy the situation, I made a visit to my girlfriend’s parents (a solid Christian family) for the weekend, to fellowship with them and attend church with them. This was a huge encouragement and to an extent rewed some of my energy levels.
To continue to wage war against temptations I kept rigorously to times of prayed every morning, the first thing I do every morning is sit on the edge of my bed and give thanks for the day, and ask for help, for strength throughout the day, for time to study the word. I’d also pray for my family, the people back Aberystywth, my girlfriend working hard in Ireland in less than ideal conditions, for her safe return and for the health of her brother.
Should I ever forget to do this, I am promptly reminded before I make it any more than a few feet from my bed.
In addition to this I also do what I can to stick with daily readings from a book called ‘The Early Church Fathers’, I recommend it to anyone in a similar position to myself. I feel an element of guilt saying “I do what I can”, because we as Christians can ALWAYS do more. You could also argue this of people on the fence, or feel the need explore any lingering interest of the gospel.
I am also happy to say at present I am not far from finishing the new testament for the first time ever. May it be the first of many times reading it. Although this first reading is only at a glance, and I have not delved deeper, but I’d very much like to in the future when I have finished it.
I also feel an element of shame for feeling as if it has been a struggle. As for some just being alive is a struggle some days, or just sleeping or moving is a horrific struggle. So it’s good to keep it in perspective.
But despite saying that I know this time last year, before coming to faith there is no way I would have been able to deal with this trials without breaking down. No way I would have been able to cope with the mental, physical and emotional demands of the collective strain of training, working and the other present/past circumstances I find myself in. I wouldn’t feel compelled to write about it if it had not been. On the up side I recognised THIS, WAS, COMING. The trials of being HOME, being SEPARATED from my church, being without someone for weeks I’d see and spend time with everyday who’d give me a tremendous amount of energy. I greatly anticipated pain and spiritual attacks. If I gave up and threw in the towel with training, it might have been easier, but I will not do that. You may think "but this is all fine Robin, you're back home with your family" ... The blood of the covernent is thicker than the water of the womb.
A few weeks ago I was riding my bike on a tough training day, I had already been in the pool to clock some distance before heading out on my bike. I was pushing race pace power in 32 degrees C in the sun. I was losing fluids faster than I could replenish them. And out there in my pain, for the first time ever; I thought about giving up. Not just giving up on this ride, but the whole thing, the goal of racing at the Ironman World Championships and becoming a professional triathlete. I pressed on and made it home. I reflected on wanting to give up and had a revelation and said to myself:
“I am thinking about giving up. Good. That means I am working hard. It means the training is working”
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
Colossians 3:23
Link to my testimony part 1 and part 2. Have a read if you'd like to know how I ended up in this new found position.