The Real Way I Found Clarity. Newsflash : It's NOT From Taking People's Advice
I used to think clarity came from thought.
The more you read and sought out advice from insightful people, the clearer the answer you were searching for would become.
As someone who's an over thinker, I gravitate towards thinking my way out of things.
It's become my go to method and admittedly, not been a fail proof one either.
In fact, it's served little to no purpose of helping me get closer to figuring out what I want.
To add fuel to the fire, seeking out advice from others, created another layer of confusion for me.
Concerned voices would fill my head with advice and offer platitudes like :
you need to trust your gut or look for signs the universe is giving you.
Or better yet don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
It gave me a goddamn headache.
It fueled the vicious cycle of analysis by paralysis, leaving me paralyzed in thought and frozen in action.
As much as I appreciated all the thoughtful and caring people who shared their advice with me, I realized it was creating more harm than good by feeding the vicious over thinking cycle with more thoughts.
It became overkill.
The only advice I trust actually comes from a song.
A catchy thought provoking 90's song. You guessed it The Sunscreen Song. In the last line, Baz Luhrmann preaches :
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth
In other words :
Everyone's advice is filtered and shaped through their own personal experiences
For this reason, we should "thread lightly" whenever we're seeking advice from others. Take it with a grain of salt but don't become too influenced by it.
A woman who's gotten married twice and cheated on will probably filter her advice through a negative lens
Whereas someone who's rational and level headed will filter their advice in the most practical and emotionless manner
So where does clarity come from? : Action and Engagement
As cheesy as it sounds, it's true. You can't trust your brain in figuring out all the answers.
It gets "infected" by other people's thoughts. Add in your emotions and own thoughts in the mix and you got yourself a bipolar cocktail named "Tornado Splash"
As much as we'd love to think we'll experience that epiphany or revelation we so often see in movies/tv, it doesn't happen that way.
Clarity comes from within cue waterfall music here.
Getting there requires taking action and engaging in the right activities.
- Not sure where you want to live?
Drive there or take the bus. Get a feel of the area, see for yourself if the neighborhood vibes well with you
- Not sure if someone is right for you?
Separate yourself from them and experience life without them. See if you still miss them and whether they're an additional (not primary) source of happiness for you.
Then meet up after a short while and see where you both stand
- Not sure what your values are ?
This is probably the only time I'd suggest picking up the book "The Values Factor" and devouring each and every line
If you're not big on reading, I'll give you a quicker alternative : Become the Sherlock of your own actions
Focus on:
- what you happily spend your money on (excluding daily needs/essentials)
- what activities you do that don't require eternal motivation
- what frustrates you (example : lateness- you value tardiness)
- what makes you happy
- where you're most organized in
These are all indicators into what you truly value
For instance :
If you find yourself holding back from temptation and not spending money on things you can't afford, then chances are you value financial security.
Whereas if your automatic reflex is to buy now, pay for the consequences later, then chances are you value personal freedom more.
Not sure if a career is right for you?
Research it first. See if there's an actual demand for it, otherwise it'll wind up being an expensive hobby instead. Once you figure it out, email or call someone within the desired field.
Inquire about the pros/cons of the job. Better yet, try job shadowing for day if you can! That way you can immerse yourself in the role and decide whether there's deal breakers or not.
Just whatever you do, don't go all in with your money before knowing for sure whether it's a good fit
The irony behind this post is how I'm preaching the very opposite of what I'm doing : sharing my experience and dispensing advice
Here's the thing : You're the Decision Maker
Choice is what separates you from the next reader who might skim through this article looking for the "big answer" read the header and then move on with their life.
While another person might read line per line, experience an "aha moment" and feel inspired to take action.
In the end, don't let anyone be the Orchestrator of your own choices.
If some advice resonates with you, then take what you can from and learn from it.
Just never let it be the ultimate means of clarity for you.