When I grow up I want to be a jackhammerer.

Hello Steem,

I am currently being bombarded by some stellar employees jackhammering away outside my window and with some soothing reggae to balance it out I thought I'd write something to introduce myself to you.

My name is steemedham and I am a lost, dorky, tired, twenty-seven year old from Australia.

I drink a lot

(I was a bit younger here)

I explore a lot

(Mexico 2011)

I talk a lot of shit

(Great at Paint. Taking requests)

I dance

(Just escaped from prison in this one)

I climb

(I usually have shoes on. Fuck my feet are nasty.)

And I have no idea what I am doing with my life.

I am surrounded by incredible people with such powerful aspirations and the conviction to follow through every step to achieve their goals. Whether or not they studied hard, or fell into the right path, they go, go, go! From the sidelines I just try lifting my jaw from the floor as I see each and every hurdle crossed, either by leaping over or running straight through it.

I want to say my piece here to maybe give some comfort to the possible many others like me or shit, maybe it's just me and I'm talking to myself (BRRRR BRRRR BRRRR! The jackhammers are still going hard, so I'll try to speak up):

Life is scary. I studied, got a degree in Arts and majored in International Relations and thought nothing more about it. A piece of paper.

Then, I fell in love with coffee and chased that art form and became a very good Barista. I love the craft and the romantic side behind it, but like all great romances they must wither and almost die but remain a tiny spark to enjoy on our own time instead of letting it consume every angle of our lives. It taught me communication.

I ended up moving around the world a few times, living in Finland, New Zealand, Germany and dipping back home every so often and I learned that stability isn't for everyone. I cannot fathom the idea of sitting at a desk to work and I can't stand the fact that I used to stand for 10 hours a day serving coffee, at least not long term. You've gotta just shake your life up and down sometimes and see what falls out the pockets, y'know? I still admire my friends in that they can stabilise and the rewards they are reaping, I hope, are what they dreamed for. It taught me so much about who I am.

What I try to remember is that everything we do can teach us something. I don't mean to say "LIFE IS A LESSON AND YOU SHOULD DIG TO FIND SUBTEXT EVERYWHERE!" but with reflection we can find specks of information that, if we choose, we can say "I could've done better". I hate reflecting because I've done so many stupid and damaging things in my life that I cringe so hard (you know the feeling where you want to pull your hoodie as far down over your face as you can and moan like a constipated zombie? Yeah, like that), but when I stop being a pussy about it and try to learn from it, then it gets better.

I am coming to a stage now where I have to see what is the next right step for me. Usually I throw caution into a lake with a cinder block attached to it's feet and I am 50/50 on if I do that again but hey, there's a beautiful girl here in Berlin who likes me and when you find love in the darkest of cities then surely you're doing something right. I think I should try my best to stay here (anyone got a visa?).

My question to you, dear reader who made it this far, is:

Do you want stability in your life or is your caution joining mine in the bottom of the lake?

Life is good. I hope yours is too. I am gonna go ask for a job outside, maybe they'll let me test drive the jackhammer?

Cheers,
steemedham