5 Traits of a Great Life Partner (And How to Attract Them)

It took me one too many years to realize that dating for fun is different than dating to find a life partner.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about casually dating and seeing where things go. But when it comes down to deciding if someone would make a great bingo partner well into retirement, I realized most of the men I dated didn’t make the cut.

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Why? They lacked a few important traits that made me feel happy, safe, and like we could weather anything in our relationship.

Because finding someone to Netflix and chill with or be your plus one to weddings is easy. Attracting a person into your life who would make for a great life partner? That’s a whole lot harder.
But so it should be because great things don’t come easy.
After dating many men who were wrong for me, I finally found someone who is very right. And what I love most about him are things I didn’t realize I hated in the other men I dated.
So if you’re looking for a serious relationship, one that can withstand a lifetime, it’s important you look for someone with these qualities:
They have solid friendships and other relationships.
I dated a guy in college who had a rather large ego. When that ego was threatened, he became a pretty mean person.
From early on in our relationship, I knew he didn’t have a good relationship with his step-dad. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Most guys don’t get along with new men forced into their lives.
But then I noticed how his friend group always shifted. He talked crap about his best friend from college. He had a falling out with one of our mutual friends. Then another friendship ended in a fit of his rage.
But, again, I thought nothing of it while we were together.
When we broke up, I stayed friends with his best friend at the time. We checked in with one another now and then—grabbed drinks when I was in his area. And on one night when I met up with him (two years after the breakup), he told me my ex blew up on him. They haven’t been friends since.
This might sound like something insignificant. What’s the big deal if he doesn’t have friends? How does that affect the relationship?
Well, in the long-run, it will. Your friends and family won’t matter to a person who doesn’t value their own circle of friends. That deep connection will only be something you two share (if they’re even able to deeply connect with you).
When someone has a revolving door of friends in their life, it says a lot about what they value most. And, for my ex, it also showed he had zero conflict resolution skills.
How to attract this:
By having your own solid network of relationships, you end up attracting that into your own life. Whether it be because you have mutual acquaintances, or that someone who doesn’t value friendship can’t be with someone who does.
Your ability to maintain strong friendships while also being in a relationship will be your best bet to attracting a partner who has the same.
The ability to express what they’re feeling.
A friend once told me about how her dad cheated on her mom. I was shocked, mostly because her parents were still together. Back in the day, after her mom gave birth to her third child, she fell into a deep depression. She didn’t leave her room and wasn’t there for her kids. And, of course, this took a toll on her husband.
But instead of getting help with his wife or weathering the storm, he slept the neighbor down the street. It took years for her mom to build trust back up and for her dad to learn how to talk about his feelings, rather than resort to other, unhealthy means.