I am so sorry that you are feeling this way . I certainly wish I had some advice that would provide you with comfort. I don't want you to be feeling this way. I think you need to allow yourself feel those feelings so that your whole being processes the situation. Things will become clearer and better, I just know it.

Always know that you are beautifully fragile and strong and a very bright light in this world. You are seen and heard and respected by so many people. I admire you and have gained so much through all that you share of yourself.

I really like what @alignment said. It feels right.