Why is crying not a relief?

Most people think that crying is probably a relief. The truth may lie in the middle. The following 3 questions will be discussed:

• Why does one cry more than the other
• Why is crying a relief or not
• What is the effect of tears on others

Why does one cry more than the other

There are big differences in how often someone cries. One, for example, cries every week, even several times a day to name an extreme example, and then there are people who do not cry anymore. Who suddenly decided not to cry anymore or they have experienced something, a traumatic experience and from that moment on they stopped crying.

There are also other factors. We know that adult women cry more often than adult men. Age also plays a role. From baby to about 20-25 years we start crying less and then we seem to cry a bit more. Personality factors also play a role. Someone who is empathetic is crying more and people who are neurotics are also crying. Psychopaths on the other hand are crying less.

One moment we cry more easily than the other moment. For example, if we have slept badly, you cry easier because you are tired. You cry easier if you have a drink too much. Then there are people with a neurological disorder, such as people with a stroke. The neurologists call this pathological crying. They cry almost without reason.

So these are a number of points about how people can differ, but are there differences between those people in other aspects? That is interesting to know. There is been done research on this.

The research showed that people who have the ability to cry compared to the people who normally cry, do not differ in health or well-being. Where they do differ in, is that people who cry, tend to feel more connected with others. They have more empathy and they also receive more social support from others. This will be explained on the basis of specific investigations.

Why is crying a relief or not

First question, is crying a relief? It looks like it, because if you ask the question differently, what is done in the graph below. What do you do if you need comfort? The first answer was listening to specific music. Then the answer came, I start to cry.

Research has also been done in a different way. People were asked, remember the last time you cried and try to think whether you felt better or worse after crying compared to before crying. In 50 percent of cases people felt better. In 40 percent of cases people said that they did not feel any difference and 10 percent felt worse.

Can we link this outcome to certain issues? According to further research, it came out that it was important that you should be well aware of yourself if you want to take advantage of the crying. People who are depressed or anxious are crying a little more often, but never say that it would relief.

The second thing that matters is the cause of crying. Uncontrollable situations, for example when you are crying after the death of someone, the chance is smaller that people say after crying I feel relieved, than in a situation that is in fact still controllable, for example a conflict situation. Then you still have a grip on the situation and you can do something about it.

The third and most important thing is how others react to you crying. When others respond with understanding and consolation and they want to help you, you experience relief. But if others laugh at you or get angry, then you are ashamed and you will feel no relief.

It comes down to the fact that crying does not give so much relief itself, the feeling of relief is because of the comfort and attention you get from others.

What is the effect of tears on others

How do others react to your tears? Research has also been done on this subject. Pictures of crying people have been taken and those tears have been digitally polished. So there is exactly the same picture of each person with and without tears. Then the people were asked:

• How empathic do you feel?
• To what extent do you feel connected to this person?
• Are you willing to help this person?

The result was that the photo with tears had more empathy and people felt more connected to the person and more willing to help the person.

The remarkable thing is that these people only see the picture for a few seconds and yet they feel connected and willing to help a person when they see the tears.
We also investigated the image of crying people. A negative image of this is that crying people are often seen as less competent. But there are also a number of positive issues. People are seen warmer and more reliable.

This has also been shown in a study in which photos were shown again. The people were told that they were criminals. The crime that was committed was either an accident, a murder, drug-related or a crime of passion. Again they showed exactly the same picture of each person with and without tears. The criminals with tears were seen as nicer, they were seen as more reliable and they were also seen as more regretful of their crime.

An interesting follow-up question is, would they also receive less punishment for those criminals with tears? In the traffic accident we saw that it did make a difference. The men who cried got 4 years less prison sentence and women who cried 2 years less. With the other crimes, the differences were not so great. What that is about must be further researched.

Conclusion, we see that tears mainly have an effect on how people react to you. When it comes to the question, will cry relief? Then the answer is, that tears connects and that relief comes only when that connection is made. If there is no connection then it is a lot less with the relief after crying.