Love Is Not Abuse Explores Domestic Violence In Queer Relationships

Timothy Mclemore

Many of us in the LGBTQ+ community are “hopeful romantics,” and things tend to move very quickly. I always say that one year in a gay relationship is like five years in a heterosexual one. While this can be exciting, it can also be a major red flag. For me it was a major red flag, but it took some time to see it.

Being in an abusive relationship felt like I was going back in the closet because I was hiding it from my friends and family. As a couple, we were even concealing it from our Instagram followers by posting as if everything was “peaches and roses,” but in reality there was a dark side to the relationship. I realize now that I should not have stayed in the relationship for as long as I did, and I do not want to be an example to our community that this type of relationship is acceptable. Writing my story in my book, Love Is Not Abuse, was difficult to do but pivotal to my recovery from domestic violence. I hope it will inspire others to become more aware of domestic violence issues in the LGBTQ+ community and join me in doing something about it.

Statistics tell the story in LGBTQ+ relationships and show that domestic violence is more common for us than those in heterosexual relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, here are the facts:

● 45 percent of victims do not report the violence they experience to police because they believe it will not help them.

● Fewer than 5 percent of LGBTQ+ domestic violence victims ever seek protective orders from a court.

● 43.8 percent of lesbians and 61.1 percent of bisexual women are raped, the recipient of physical violence, and/or stalked by a partner at some point; this is true of only 35 percent of heterosexual women.