Why Being Honest With Yourself Is Better Than Fake Positivity

In my journey with chronic illness over the last four years, trying hundreds of different herbs, drugs, detox programs, and IV's, I've learned a few things. First is that trying to force positivity is dangerous.  Let me explain.

I used to practice gratitude and love. I could go the entire day without getting rattled, upset, or lose the connection I have with my heart. Very little would ever upset me. I was truly grateful of everything in my life. And this was my Truth back then.  

Over the last 4 years of dealing with new and worsening symptoms, I tried to maintain my old identity. And part of that identity was being grateful and positive.  I didn't want to lose parts of myself. Fatigue, pain, and depression will alter ones idea of themselves, but I didn't want my "good traits" to slide. I tried to hold on and fought back - resistance and not my Truth in the moment.

Fast forward to now.  I feel pretty miserable most of the day. I've never physically felt sicker. My nervous system is hijacked and I don't have the awareness or presence I used to have.  YET:

I'm more accepting of who I am and where I am (even if I don't feel like myself... but that's another blog post).  I had to drop trying to be positive or grateful. I had to leave all my training and programming behind, even though it was "positive" programming.  

I now try to replace all judgements with acceptance. It's hard. Really hard. But that's my journey.  Being HONEST with yourself is better than trying to force positivity.  Do you still love yourself even when you're not grateful or positive? Are you still a valuable person in the world when you feel you have nothing to offer? Yes and yes.

Much love,

Aaron