After the heart stops there are seven minutes of brain activity left. ....................................
After the heart stops there are seven minutes of brain activity left. Seven minutes, where the brain plays back movie memories of what shaped it – like a homage to the organ, like a final goodbye to the restless dreamers that lived by it, and to the unwavering capacity by which they loved through it.
During the first minute, I saw you. I saw you as if it were the first time, and my god you were perfect. I saw the coy smiles, the terrible dance moves and the genuine laughter. I saw you lean in for our first kiss. I saw me beaming on my way home, spellbound thinking, “This is something big. This is going to ruin me.”
Minute two and three. I saw the flicker of our flame. I saw the way your bones played with the moonlight. I saw the letters you wrote me, scrawled in graphite along the surface of my skin. I saw the man you were trying to become, the awe-inspiring man you were working towards. I saw the clock, as we counted down the days, gripping tighter and tighter within our false reality, until I saw the goodbye.
Minute four, and five. I saw the hurt. I saw it riddled across your face like a cold sweat. I saw the last embrace, and the heaviness that came with having to let go. I saw the confusion, the need to simply make sense of what we had shared, of what we didn’t want to give up on. I saw the scramble within both of our souls, the human parts of us trying to make up the miles, trying to fit the world into a shoebox so we could fill the void. In minute six I saw — the suffering.
But before I knew it, I met minute seven, and despite all of the hurt, all of the feeling, all of the unanswered questions – I saw the communion of hues, the colours of every sunset I had ever witnessed, come together to build the contours of your face. I saw the purples of your under eyes, I saw the whites of your teeth. I saw the pinks of your lips, and the reds that made up the flush in your cheek. I saw the man who shaped me, the man who dug my heart up like dinosaur bones. I saw you whisper goodbye, and it was then, only then, in the beauty of your night sky, that I finally moved on.
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