My Ideal Proposal

Dear Future Husband,

If you propose to me in a mall, restaurant, movie theatre or any public place for that matter, you would be marrying yourself.

Especially the mall.

Don't try it.

Don't.

I would definitely not find it the tiniest bit romantic. I will conclude that you have no idea who I’m or what I like.

Don't ask me to marry you on my birthday either.

Or my graduation for that matter.

Or any festive season like Christmas or the Fourth of July for that matter.

Don't invite anyone.

Unless of course there is another guy joining us for a threesome (wink).

I prefer a casual Saturday.

Again I repeat, if you propose marriage to me in public, you would marry yourself.

I would not scream in surprise or any of that shit.

I would not laugh.

I would only think 'is this the idiot I want to marry?'

Because the honest truth is if you knew me so well, you wouldn't propose in public.

Propose to me on the bed while eating pizza and Ice cream after having sex.

That’s the only proposal that counts.

Signed,

Lizzy.

 

The above is a hilarious letter my best friend penned to her imaginary future husband one night when we were getting drunk in the club and she showed it to me. Even though I laughed so hard, it got me thinking about this whole business of public display of marriage proposals. I know I sound like a hater right now, but many of them look stage-managed. You know how most people would do anything to be featured in blogs and magazines nowadays. Their five seconds of fame the only thing on their minds. So they enact the most ridiculous of surprise proposals while people’s cameras are snapping away at them or videoing and the next minute they are garnering a thousand views on YouTube. Life mission accomplished!

For some of them who actually knock the wind out of their partners, I still wonder why anyone would think that putting someone they love under intense pressure in full public glare about a private and life-changing decision like marriage is romantic. I really can’t help but wonder. 

But well what do I know? It’s obvious that a lot of people seem to get a mighty kick from this (even though we’ve of a handful of folks who got turned down in public too after they went a great length to “perform” their marriage proposals). So I’m just going to say this- everyone should do what works for them but ensure that you really understand the kind of person your partner is, because if she’s anything like my friend, you’re going to be walking down that aisle alone. Ciao!