What It Is Like Missing Someone You Love

I woke up today with a ache in my heart. Caused by missing two of the most important people in my life (I have a few).

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So lets begin with the obvious, loosing a parent is never easy. Loosing a parent especially your favorite parent at a young age is even harder. I keep thinking about all of the things I would have wanted to share with my Dad and it hurts to know that I can't. It is a kind of pain you can physically feel in your heart (caused by the vibrations of your heartstrings). Knowing that I can never see him again leaves a kind of emptiness inside, that joy of knowing I could go to him with anything is now gone. Instead I am left with a longing especially now that I will be getting married. I think of who would walk me down the isle and I'm a little sad. This kind of longing, pain and sadness is one that will never go away because death is so final for this life. It is not like someone moving away and you could still email and skype and, and, and...

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This brings me to the second person I miss. My brother Christiaan. It has been a year since I have last seen him. Christiaan was always more than just a brother to me. He was my closest friends. We always got in trouble together. He was my confidant, partner in crime, defender and occasionally my preacher... Which I always thought was silly because he is two years younger than me.

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I remember the one time, we were doing homework and my grandmother came in and started screaming at him (very irrational woman at times, and the more time that goes by the more irrational she gets). Anyway, out of respect for her I calmly told her to please not scream at him because we are doing homework and I can't concentrate, that he is right there and can hear her in a normal tone, of course I was ignored. Then she started to verbally abuse him. That was a line no one, not even my own mother was allowed to cross when I was around. I made myself heard and the verbal abuse was then directed at me, my brother was also protective and stood up for me in return. This is the kind of relationship we had. Above all we have a firm belief that everyone should be treated fairly, if something was happening that was unjust (even when it had nothing to do with us) we would step in... This is how we generally got involved in fights, I guess you could say we have a hero complex. Believe it or not we both hate conflict.

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Christiaan has always had this way of making you smile when you have no reason to. Missing him is like feeling lonely, like you want to reach through the phone and pull him through just so he could make you smile. It is a bitter sweet feeling thinking of my little brother. On one hand I am proud of him, for the way he's grown and stayed the same. On the other hand not having him in the other room when I'm sad or have him randomly burst into my room dancing on Hips don't lie (he does a great Shakira impression for a straight, Afrikaans guy) to just to give me a giggle or sitting in the car with me singing our new favorite duet is a bitter pill to swallow. My heart smiles when I think of him, I might have tears in my eyes for missing him but I still feel the love and hope and excitement for seeing him again.

This is some of our favorite Mashups that we love to sing together

Hope you enjoy the music.

Till next time

xoxo
@thegoldencookie