Well, I think you're in good company here. I plan on sharing the knowledge as best I can. I always hated that I couldn't go back to the Golden Dawn. Then, after years of hoping and deciphering books that I knew to be slightly wrong, I found the books that were for the Order that I went to. The Universe, like life, finds a way. Knowlege is there and ready for the taking, so long as you know where to look ;)