RE: Marvelous Tales Contest #9 - Adrift
So uh, you write words good, real good. I likes the way you say things, it sounds fancy, like special fancy. When I read "silk smooth against her back" it jarred me out of reading rhythm. I don't know if it's just me or if it needs a comma after "silk." This feels like a scene from a fantasy adventure I would've loved as an elementary school student and now as an appreciator of the genre. I am more impressed by your writing ability with every new post, even intimidated- but in strangely healthy way. I also like that you left me, the reader, to catch up with the setting, fantasy world, and story. It left me wondering if I was confused about what was happening in the beginning, but as I continued to read I found that you had led me to assume correctly. In that way it felt like I was waking up into the story. I think this is fantastic and hard to pull off because you can easily teeter into lack of clarity and turn the reader off. So if you were going for the waking up into the story feel, you pulled it off amazingly, and I suspect you were going for that. I'm interested to hear what you like and dislike about this piece so far?
And way to go with the upvotes!
Thank you! I've been blessed by curie. :) And I fixed the silk sentence - nice catch!
Your comment is an even higher compliment considering I feel the same things when reading your writing! It's like, "Oh, how did he come up with the way to say that? How did he think to include that detail?"
I love being thrown into a scene and having to put the pieces together about what's going on, so it's really cool to hear the slow reveal worked for you. It's hard to say what else I like and don't like about this piece - I'm working on a more casual tone and finding the right pacing between action, descriptive sequences, dialog, and internal thoughts... I can feel these things evolving but figuring out what works will take a lot more practice.