How to Train Your Millennial

I see  a lot of articles on professional networking sites about Millennials, written as if they're a whole different species.  Personally, if I want to try and understand what it's like to be a millennial, I imagine I really really need to use the bathroom at a remote but well trafficed truckstop and upon entering, I find that the only toilet in the place has been busted for month but no one stopped using it...  Anyway, here's some great advice on how to get the best from your millennials.

Excert from The Millennial Encyclopedia - The Definitive Visual Guide.
Millennials seek out social companionship and build strong relationships. Because their ancestors once lived in tribes, millennials look up to a leader they can respect and follow. Without a strong leader they can turn unruly. They are not naturally naughty, in fact they crave rules and boundaries, but millennials are not born knowing what the rules are, and even older millennials may not yet have learned all the rules you would like him to follow.

Decide upon a set of rules you feel are important, then enforce them consistently through training methods such as reward based training. Act quickly to stop any behaviour that breaks your rules; your millennial will soon learn what behaviours are acceptable and which are not.

Building a relationship with your millennial based on mutual respect will make you both happier. You millennial will gladly follow commands given by you as long as he understands what he needs to do. When training problems occur, it is usually because of poor communication between you and your millennial. Since they have different motivations and needs than humans, taking time to understand how your millennials learn and what signals he can follow will help set realistic expectations.

Your voice is a useful training tool but it is easy to forget that millennials cannot understand spoken language. Your millennial is capable of remembering what certain words sound like and what he should do when he hears them but only after repeated training and only if those words always sound the same.

Your milliennial will also look at your body posture to work out the context of a situation and what you are asking him to do. However, just as millennials have no concept of language, they do not understand that by pointing at something you are trying to direct their attention to somewhere other than the end of your hand.

Remember, your millennial can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Be patient while training, and ensure that your millennial has fully learned one command before trying to teach him a new one.

This work is of course satire and also almost entirely plagiarised.