My Name Is Joe... 

Nice to meet you, my name is Joe and I am new to Steemit. 

With the help of a good friend @fatpandadesign and months of being indecisive, I decided to give steemit a chance.  

We all have stories to tell, some are more exciting than others and some are just stories that we need to get out. I love the fact that we can openly share our stories with others in hopes to help the community. Whether the story that you are sharing is one of addiction and heartache or just simply where you enjoy eating from time to time, it is a great feeling to be heard in a world that does its best to censor us. I hope to help many individuals with a wide variety of topics, and I am hoping to learn a few things along the way.

 I guess you want to hear a little about me and my 'story'.  

Let's get started... 

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I grew up in Akron, NY and the journey that I took in this small town is something that will stick with me the rest of my life. School wasn't to bad, I didn't have to many friends, got pushed into lockers, stuff like that. This is actually where I met the panda himself, Ben. We started playing a MMORPG game called World of Warcraft, which is probably where my addiction begun. After high school Ben took off to follow his own dreams and I moved on to developing a drug habit that would cause a long series of events that led me to the man I am today. 

 Drugs took me down a bad path that was nothing but destructive, not only to myself but to the ones around me; and the ones that cared for me. Addiction burned many bridges that will never be repaired, and it also destroyed friendships that could never be repaired. But it made me who I am today.  

I found myself straight out of high school getting slammed with a DWAI (Driving While Ability Impaired) and developing a drug habit that was very dangerous. I eventually quit my job and began garbage picking and returning scrap to the junk yard to pay for gas in my truck and drugs for the day. It was a pretty low point in my life, everything started to unravel from there.  I decided it was time to find a job to help with this new found addiction of pills and alcohol, which I ruined every time. I started to get more and more into pills and saw my life spiraling out of control, so I decided it was time to try out college. I went to Bryant and Stratton in Amherst, NY and guess what found me there, temptation. I begin to sell drugs while going to college, got myself a job at a bar and basically 'had it made'. 

After working at the bar long enough, I developed some trust and ended up running the kitchen. On one of my nights off I got a call from the bartender to come get a drink. I decided to go (I was 20), I ended up drinking a lot and completely loosing control. I left completely plastered, which landed me in a serious car crash and with another DWAI. I fell asleep at the wheel, and thank God, I hit a tree and not a person or someones house. I drifted off the road going over a small hill, flew over a driveway and slammed into a tree. I flew forward and hit the windshield, which woke me up, I looked around and saw that there was two ounces laying all over in the front seat. I started grabbing handfuls of it and throwing it to the back of the vehicle. Thinking back to that night, I thank God that I am still here to tell people about my story and hope that it stops them from any future casualties.  

Where the accident took place...

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After working an in-house construction job to pay $8000 worth of fines and classes from my stupid decision to drive drunk...

I started working with my parents, who owned a cleaning company, it was supposed to help me get back on my feet and help me out since I didn't have a license and we lived at least 10 minutes from any businesses. I eventually found myself in the local bar here in Akron and linking up with people from my past who would eventually play a big part in my fall to the bottom. 

I got back into dealing drugs and started doing things a little more heavy than before. I was hitting the bar 7 days a week and blacking out every night. I would then try to get my hands on any drug possible to fill my days. I went through some ups and downs with relationships and family and everything seemed to work itself out, I then hit a rough patch that was not going to be fixed. It was one of the first big problems that I ever had to deal with and being an addict who sold drugs made it that much more dangerous for myself as well as anyone involved with me. 

I stepped it up, drugs and alcohol all day and night, hardly any sleep and party, party, party.  I started getting into downers which ultimately led me to Opana. For those of you who do not know this little devil, it is a pain pill that people use for intense pain. Taking the pill orally will hardly touch you, but crushing them and snorting them was where the rush was. When you develop a pill addiction you begin to not only get addicted to the high but the steps leading up to getting high. For me, it was a ritual to bust out my pill and crush it up and snort it, the high was just the cherry on top. I can remember plenty nights laying there wondering if I would wake up in the morning. But I didn't truly care, as long as I had some of the pill left for the morning.

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We all hung at a central house where we would party and invite tons of people to have a good time, typically same people every time. Until the one party, a kid who came around quite often brought this girl with him and said that this really wasn't her scene so they were only staying for a couple minutes, the moment I locked eyes with her I knew that she was something special. I found out where she worked and went to see her, everyday for a sub. I would tip her big in hopes of impressing her, but she said that never worked. Oh by the way the girl is now my wife, Grace. 

She found out about my pill habit and got me a job at the pizza shop she was working at to help me straighten up a bit, but I found trouble there as well. Within a couple days of working there I upgraded from Opana to Heroin, which was cheaper. When Grace found out she was furious, she told me to make a decision, her or dope. Before this would have been a no brainer, come between me and my drugs then you're out, but something changed that day. Something sparked in my head and told me that the best decision was this beautiful freckled girl standing in front of me. I decided to choose Grace and never looked back, I continued on a destructive path but without dope.  

Grace stuck with me through thick and thin, many nights of selfishness and danger. I can remember riding around with pounds in the trunk and not giving it a second thought that we could be put away for life. Things started to get real busy and I started to realize that if I ever wanted to truly be with Grace, I would need to change and become a good role model for her son. This is when things began to change. 

Grace and I were driving down the road at night, making our nightly runs and I saw something that struck my eye. A pair of shoes on a young man walking down the street, I quickly told Grace that I recognized those shoes and she quickly and sarcastically shot back "of course you do." I don't know why but I had her turn the car around to see who the young man was, she thought it was just someone that I have sold to in the past but I was too surprised to say anything. When we pulled up to the young man I quickly recognized his face, it was Ben from Fat Panda Design, though back then fat panda was not yet envisioned.  

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Ben was back with some of his own issues that you can read more about here --->@fatpandadesign 

The thing that kills me is I didn't help Ben the way he needed it when he came back. I simply handed him drugs and drinks and a peak into my life. After Ben went back to Vegas I realized that what I was doing is wrong, I should have helped him, but instead my addict side kicked in and I threw drugs and alcohol at him to selfishly have someone to do it with. What was wrong with me and how did I get like this? 

Searching my mind trying to find what went wrong. "How am I going to fix this?" 

I remember telling Grace that I was done, I didn't want to sell drugs anymore and I did not want to live this life anymore.  It was my birthday and she took me store to get some alcohol, on the way back I asked her not to invite anyone to the party and that I was done selling. I wanted to slowly back away from the people I was associating with and stop selling slowly, when we got back to the house everyone was already there. 

We ended up doing drugs and drinking all night, the next day Grace and I set off for Miami with my aunt and uncle. 

Miami is a dangerous city and a horrible place for an addict...Going there changed my life... 

Part 2 coming soon...