Confucius says:
He who sits on fence, gets splinters in his arse.
Confucius also says:
No one likes to lick a butt with splinters in it.
He says a lot of stuff to me... (It's him, not me - the voices in my head tell me it is, so it must be true)...
Confucius says "Hoarde TP and Booze"
This is an often attributed to Confucius, but is, in fact, a mis-quote.
What He actually said ( I was there when he said it), was
" He who collects tents and gets drunk, will still never have enough pegs'