How to love your Children

That seems like a silly title, huh? I mean, what parent doesn't love their child? Granted, there are some individuals in this world, that beyond every fiber of nature, find reasons to neglect their children intentionally, and then there are those, me included, that realize at some point in their lives that their children don't feel loved.
You may ask, "how"? With everything that parents do for their children, how can they not feel loved?
The answer is simple: you aren't speaking your child's love language. I know, this was shocking to me too. We communicate the same way, and I'm the one that taught them how to speak, how is my love not being communicated? I came to learn that there are in fact 5 love languages, and each individual can have parts of all or one of each of these languages.
The languages are: physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, and quality time. So, what exactly do these languages mean? It means that unless you know your child's language, they will at some point feel unloved, and often enough, those inadequate feelings manifest in behavioral problems.
Now, the question is, how can you tell which language your child receives best. I can give you a little information, but if you want detailed info I reccomend the book "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman. That is where the majority of my knowledge started. Most people speak their own language. For example, someone who receives the love language of words of affirmation would be one to consistently offer words of encouragement and "atta-boys". Someone who receives the language of physical touch best may be a little extra clingy, or give hugs, high-fives, cuddles, and back rubs often. But doesn't that make sense? We give what makes us feel loved.
My daughter used to be stubborn. Not just the "I want it my way" stubborn, the "my way is right and I'll prove it if I have to" kind. Relentlessly, intensely strong willed. At first, this was extremely frustrating. Here I had a 3 year old child that would not listen, would not even consider trying things my way. Long story short, I lacked the knowledge necessary to make her feel loved. My daughter, even at 3 years old, didn't know I loved her. I kissed her every day, rocked her to sleep every night, and told her a million times between the two that I loved her, but she didn't feel it. I felt like a failure as a mom. And then, I discovered her language.
She is strongly motivated by words of praise. Telling her "good job" or "it makes me so proud when you....." reinforced the behaviors I wished for her to achieve. Now I have a happy 5 year old, excelling in all she does. It makes a huge difference when you can communicate.
If you have been having difficulties with a child, or even a spouse, friend, or family member, please do yourself a favor: learn to love them the way they understand best. Your lives and relationships will greatly improve.

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