A Really Terrible Self-Justification of a Backwards City

I have made it known that I am not a Philadelphia guy. I try not to hate on the place, honestly, although it is admittedly difficult as I am a New York guy through and through — I used to date a lady who lived in the Upper East Side; I can navigate the subway to get from Penn Station to 96th and Lexington without having to surface; I've eaten in more Irish pubs than I can possibly count, so that I have actually not repeated them; I had a regular brunch place; the pastor of a parish thought I was a registered parishioner, since I was there so often. I have a family background that trails back to NYC and North Jersey. When we use the phrase "Going to 'The City'," we mean NYC; when we are talking about going to any other city, we specifically name that city — but NYC is "The City."

As I stated, I try not to hate on the place. I really do. Granted, I could try harder, but it also is damn near impossible to maintain some sort of armistice when there is a rash of irrational and rabid fandom that has pendulum swings like you read about (which you can here: https://steemit.com/new-jersey/@phoenix32/don-t-you-think-i-know-where-i-live).

While scrolling through social media, one can encounter ads that are inserted based on interests, web searches, and location. While I am geographically stuck in Philly, they decided that I might appreciate this:

https://matadornetwork.com/read/things-happen-philadelphians-traveling/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Partner&utm_campaign=MeanwhilePhilly&fbclid=IwAR2DmC4Hp7xF_1N0Oc444YCwO9Fnx5Zf07j39NJWqx78BLWSLYVrYPPkpM4

I try to avoid all of the click-bait on my feed, but as it is the second most prominent item type on my feed — the first being political — it is kinda hard to dodge. This one, however, got my attention. So I read it, and found the following and I felt the need to add my commentary to it (in italics):

1. The people we meet immediately ask us about cheesesteaks…
Philly cheesesteaks seems to be the one and only aspect of our city that outsiders know about. It’s sad to think that a sandwich variety is seen as Philly’s greatest achievement when there’s so much more to our city and its food than that. It’s our duty to dispel myths and tell the world that the Philadelphia culinary scene is one of the best in the US.
Well, considering that you brag about your cheesesteaks the way that every other human being breathes, it is to be expected that we expect to hear about it. We are reaching out to you on your level. Stop griping.

2. … or Rocky Balboa…
Rocky is one of the best Philly movie series out there — perhaps the only truly Philly movie series out there. That said, the bronze statue in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art gets way too much hype in comparison to the incredibly impressive collection of art that is actually inside the museum. Rocky is great, but the Philly art and culture landscape is much broader than the 1970s franchise.
Yeah, same as the above. You brag about it all the time and market all things Rocky in your tourist stuff, so of course…

3. …or New York City.
Yes, Philly is sort of near New York City. But, it’s a very different, very separate city, and we don’t take kindly to this comparison. We’re the third-largest city in the US and the birthplace of this country for your information.
Well, that is just a bunch of BS. If you have PA tags on your car and you’re from Philadelphia, why the hell would I ask you about NYC? That’s like asking an Alaskan about Hawaii. C’mon, that’s just a load of crapola...

4. We often need to use the New Jersey Transit system.
If we’re leaving the city by train, there’s a fair chance it’s going to be through the God awful system that is NJ Transit. There’s no telling what will happen when you board — it’s like the Wild West of train travel out there. Likely, it will involve you stumbling off, dazed, seven hours past when you were supposed to arrive at your destination.
Yeah, and NJ Transit runs great. If you don’t like it, then stop coming to our home for your vacation. No one is twisting your arm or putting a gun to your head to make you travel to NJ. Furthermore, have any of you ever driven on Route 1? Let's be realistic here — Rte 1 has no rules: no turn signals, no lane maintenance, nothing but sheer chaos and a struggle to survive. And you want to crap on NJ Transit? Piss off...

5. A trip to the airport is full of road dangers.
The amount of crater-sized potholes lining the exit ramps to the Philadelphia airport is mind-blowing. We may know the potholes are there but that doesn’t mean we know how we’re supposed to get around them without swerving into oncoming traffic. At least you know that you’ll have company when you pull over to change your now beat-up tire.
Yeah, I agree with you here. Your tax dollars at work, folks. Step up and make a scene about it, get it fixed. Be the change, OK?

6. We lose our minds to the gridlock of I-95 on Fridays in the summer.
Always double the amount of time you think it’s going to take to reach your destination and expect a lot of heads yelling out of car windows, fist shakings, and nervous breakdowns. Traffic on I-95 is the worst way to start a weekend getaway.
Bro… again, I refer you back to your entry #4 and my commentary. You choose to make that gridlock. So put on your big boy or girl pants and quit your bellyaching.

7. We censor ourselves.
It’s true that Philadelphians have a specific jargon that may not suit every situation out there or be understood by everyone in the country. It’s a tough endeavor to change how we speak but we do make some effort to communicate with the rest of the world — when we feel like it.
No… no, you don’t. You’re just as obnoxious about all things Philly (such as #1 and #2) as when you are home in your city. Gain some self-awareness, both collectively and individually. Trust me — when you are at the beach, outside of your cars, and without looking, we can tell that you are from Philadelphia just by listening to the words you say. Not the tone, not your accent, but if we were to take a transcript of what you say, we would instantly know that you are from Philadelphia.

8. People think we’re all a-holes.
We know that our reputation in other parts of the country is not always the kindest. We’re a little rough around the edges, but give us a chance. When you get past our defensiveness and sarcasm, we’re pretty darn nice.
Well, I’m not going to readily agree, but you seem to think that the gridlock on 95 is from other people and that you are not contributing to it. Um… yeah... Also, you are rude as EFF when you come to the beach, you don’t observe the rules or even the courtesies of the road, and you have a sense of entitlement when you vacation where we live. So you're gorram right that people think you are all a-holes.

There, I said it. I haven't held much back lately in most of my conversations about Philly as of late, as I am baffled, horrified, morbidly curious, and bloody frustrated with life out here in Philadelphia, but this article really pushed me over the top when it comes to the attitudes and behaviors of my temporary neighbors here in the so-called "City of Brotherly Love."

/EndRant