THE QUEST

My quest is not to find a mate.
To join oneself with another isn't a cure all.
In fact it's the complete opposite
It will only cause more damage, more mistrust, more self loathing, more pain, more feelings of unworthiness.......
But The one who's quest this is will never give it up.
They will never see the truth of the matter
No matter what.
Romantic love as portrayed in books and films is never this way in real life.
It could be, but it's not.
It may start out this way
Two people so desirous of having this love, they'll play the parts like award winning actors.
It's all self delusion
It's food
Two empty people with nothing real to give, trying desperately to be filled by the other.
No matter how strong their delusions, everything they do is about getting something for themselves.
They will flatter, compromise themselves, lie and twist the truth if it's likely to raise them in the others esteem.
They will hide the truth if it's likely to cause the opposite effect.
They will paint a picture of themselves of the man/ woman they believe the object of their desire has been searching for.

Eventually the mask will drop and the once object of their desire will be left wondering what they ever saw in him/her.
And vice versa
The passion is gone, as is always the case, and all that's left is a sad, emotionally needy train wreck.
Not a knight in shining armour/ damsel in distress they believed themselves to have been joined with.

The great poet Lord Byron
Once said:

" There is no such thing as a life of passion any more than a continuous earthquake, or an eternal fever. "

This is a fact, there are no two ways about it.
And when the storm has passed and all has become calm, it would be pleasing to see a familiar face, someone with who you could depend upon, someone who could continue your journey with you without causing you to stumble, but would pick you up when you fall.
Instead of a complete stranger who will trip you up at every opportunity, so they can get ahead .

Romantic passion more often than not has no solid basis.
The one you're lusting after has nothing you really need, nothing you want except self gratification, which they'll be incapable of giving once the initial passion has worn off.
Once they've secured you, there's little need to make anymore effort.
No one continues striving once they've reached their goal.
This is why you often see once attractive people rapidly transform into unattractive people soon after marriage.

A well adjusted individual who's happy in themselves, is never desperate to secure a mate.
They may be on the lookout for him/her, lest they pass by unnoticed but they wouldn't lower their standards by grabbing hold of the first potential partner that walked by simply because they can't stand the aching loneliness.
A well adjusted individual would not have to hide the truth about themselves as only a self loathing individual full of shame would feel the need to do this.

Unfortunately the well adjusted individual has little to no hope of a long lasting, rewarding relationship either as the world is way too messed up now and everyone's got their priorities all wrong.
Although they'd stand a much better chance than the people I'm describing here.

As I said earlier, the desperately lonely, will never give up this quest, no matter how many failed "relationships" and heartbreaks they experience.
They always believe the man/woman of their dreams is just around the corner and they repeat the same behaviour over and over hoping for a different result.
They ALWAYS attract the same types ( there are rare exceptions to this rule) but all in all, they'd be incapable of attracting anything other than another extremely emotionally needy individual
This is a sure recipe for disaster
Obviously a " needy" person, needs something
Trying to get what you need from another will never work.
It's said that before you can expect to be loved by another, first you must love yourself.
It's become a meme that's shared over and over and over again
I would totally agree with this
And it seems entirely self explanatory
What more could there possibly be to it?
The truth of the matter is that I don't think I've actually met anyone who completely loves themselves
I really don't think anyone does and saying it certainly doesn't make it true, no matter how much ones wants to believe it.
Law of attraction anyone?
Love is about giving
Not taking
Taking is vampiristic
It's demonic
What is love?
How would one define it?
People speak of it constantly, but do they ever stop to really think about what it is?
Love can't be defined with mere words
Love just " Is"
The great poets tried desperately to convey its meaning, but could only manage but a shadow of it.
Trying to explain the infinite with the finite.
It can't be done, no matter how deeply one feels it.
When a fruit tree comes into bloom, it will soon bear it's fruit
An apple tree will bear apples, an orange tree, oranges etc etc
An apple tree can't bear oranges and vice versa
When a person is full of love, they bear the fruit of love.

This verse doesn't tell us what love is, but how it manifests

1 Corinthians 4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . . And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

By their fruits you will know them.

If anyone claims to love ( themselves or anyone else), but does not bear these fruits, then it's not love at all.

Everyone is self serving
Everyone wants something from others
People are bound by strong delusions
People give in the hope that what they give will be returned
All the pretty words, the pledges, the declarations of their undying love, the gifts, the flowers.....
It's all an investment
They're hoping to get it all back with interest.
It's cunning, manipulative scheming

The sad thing is that these people will never, ever find what it is their looking for.
It's not possible
But they will never let go, they can't
If they were to let go, then what?
They'd be all alone in a very dark place
They must hold onto this hope by continuing to delude themselves that what they want is out there somewhere.

The truth of the matter is
It's not
They could chase it for the rest of their lives, but they'll never find it.
They could travel the four corners of the earth in their quest for true love only to suffer disappointment again and again.
One day, their eyes shall be opened and to their complete astonishment, they'll realise that it was there within them all along.
What they'd been searching for all along was closer than they could possibly have imagined.
And then they shall lament their foolishness and wish they'd been brave enough to look where few men dare.

Before one can expect to be loved, one must have something to offer the object of their desire.
An empty person has nothing to offer, no matter what they believe to the contrary.
I've often heard people say " I have so much love to give"
These people are completely delusional
They have nothing to give
If it were true, they'd be giving it
Love can't be tamed
It doesn't sit dormant waiting for someone to give it to
It's not something you can give and withdraw at will.
A person with " so much love to give" would be bearing the fruits of love continually.
It would be obvious to all around them.
Love is infectious, it can't be hidden
If one can't love their neighbour as themselves, then what possible hope would they have finding the " love of their life?"
And the reason one can't love his neighbour is because he doesn't love himself
If he doesn't love himself, he can't love at all.
True love is unconditional
That means there are NO conditions
Nothing can stop the flow of true love
Not anything
An empty person has nothing to give
A person overflowing with genuine love has more than enough love to give
It cannot be contained
The more that is given, the more is received
It's a continual flow, never ending

The one one on his quest to find true love is unknowingly walking an extremely dangerous road
It's much more dangerous than he could possibly imagine.
This person has more than likely left a string of ex lovers who didn't live up to his expectations lying maimed on the road behind him as he's continued his journey to find " the one".
At some point in time, he would've believed most, if not all of these rejectees to have been " the one", only to become disillusioned when they displeased him.
No doubt he expressed his undying love to each of them and vowed to stay with them always and forever etc
These declarations were either true or they were not true
There is no other option
Clearly they weren't true or he'd have honoured his promises.
No doubt he is also lying maimed on the road having also been rejected by one or more of the " loves of his life". So now he's trying to claw his way forwards so he can continue his quest.
Injured people everywhere
I vowed never to walk this road again only to find myself on it yet again, one of the many injured lying on the road.
I shan't play this ridiculous game anymore, I too deluded myself that this was completely different than the previous games, only to discover it had only been repackaged.
The tricks they play are getting cleverer, less obvious.
Although I'm guilty of seeing through them, but choosing to ignore what I don't like. ( just like everyone else)
I believed myself to be more highly evolved than most, but fell straight into the trap the second I was offered the apple
We're all desperate for love, if the truth be told

If you listen to two people after a bitter breakup, you'd more than likely be confused as to who's telling the truth.
You may choose a side based on your own self serving reasons, but if one were completely unbiased then both versions will more than likely appear extremely believable.
She'd have you believing she was the victim of a complete cad and he will claim that he's completely innocent of any wrong doing, and that it was her who was in the wrong in every way.
Both versions are true
And both versions are untrue
Nobody is good
We're all in the wrong
And you shouldn't have been involved with this person in the first place.
And the only reason you were was to gratify your own evil nature.
The once " love of your life", has instantly transformed into an evil monster while you continue to delude yourself that you're one of the " good guys".
Yes you made a mistake, it's time to continue your quest.
No time to be wasted
But she did this....
He did that.....
So what????
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone
And one by one, they all walked away
So many people go on about psychopaths and energy vampires these days.
We all have psychopathic traits and we're all energy vampires to some degree.
That is our nature!
And everyone's deluding themselves while pointing the finger at others.
The people who go on about this the most don't really have a clue what their talking about .
It's extremely handy when trying to convince oneself that they themselves are without sin.
The most obvious psychopaths are the most damaged people, pointing the finger at them is futile and doesn't do anyone any good at all.
Not the accused or the accuser.
In fact it's base in the extreme and a blatantly obvious deflection
Most of The people I've listened to talking about " energy vampires", wouldn't think twice about jumping into bed with the first stranger who was willing.
They've probably had more sexual partners than I've had hot dinners, and that's not including the ones they fantasise about.
Sexual energy is extremely powerful and the sex act is THE most effective way to steal energy.
But even if these people were aware of this, it wouldn't even cause them to stop and think I fear.
Sexual Promiscuity is a disease that's infected most of the earths inhabitants and there's no end to that in sight.
As in the days of Noah
People take what suits and reject what's displeasing to them.
If it doesn't fit into the fantasy world they've made for themselves, it will be discarded.
Wisdom cries out in the street
But very few are willing to listen
Many People are full of sexual demons that have got in through this type of behaviour.
The more we consent, the more we invite
Some talk constantly about psychopaths and energy vampires while serving their own sexual demons ( and others) breakfast in bed.
The sex act is a marriage gift from our creator
It should only be done in the marriage bed
To join yourself in this way to anyone but your ( spiritual) husband/ wife, is not only wrong, but extremely dangerous.
Sex is the foundation of life
Of course the evil one would want to destroy it
What's done is done and can't be undone
If you've ever had sex with a person physically or mentally, you are spiritually joined to this person for life and they are taking your energy all the time. ( the demons within them)
The more sexual partners you've had, the more tormented and miserable you'll feel.
But yet you continue to do it over and over again.
It's not possible for one such as this to ever find happiness.
A person such as this will never find the " love of their life", that's not possible either.
If they were to meet their " soul mate", it would be doomed to failure.
Your body may be trapped in time, but your spirit is engaging in an orgy with multiple partners.
Your spirit isn't trapped in time, it just "is"
There is no past or future where your spirit is concerned
What you did " in the past" is ongoing
You're cheating on the " love of your life"
While condemning others for the same crime.
Every declaration of love, every sex act, fantasy, every time you've lusted after another.
It's all ongoing
Everything is " now"
Live your life as if you were with her/him
Imagine he/she is constantly watching your every move, listening to your every word
Would you behave differently?
Would you try to live a decent, honourable life?
Nothing will be hidden
It shall all be revealed
What you do in secret is your nature
Where your thoughts lead you
That is your god.
No matter what you claim to the contrary
Words are cheap
He knows the innermost workings of our hearts
You can fool yourself, but you can't fool your creator.
You can delude yourself into believing that you worship the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
But on judgement day, he will say to some " Depart from me, I never knew you"
Examine your heart thoroughly before it's too late.

I realise now that I was trying desperately to project my philosophy onto him
Something I'd spoken against doing ( and even previously accused him of doing) because among other things, it's completely futile.
I was trying to mould him into the man I'd previously thought he was.
I'd had to face the fact that he didn't even resemble this man, but I didn't want to let go so I tried in vain to force it upon him.
My whole philosophy on sexual energy etc especially.
I knew he was full of sexual demons and that he was sycophantic by nature, full of lust and sexual perversions.
I knew I wasn't his only sexual fantasy and that his thoughts towards other women were anything but pure, but I desperately wanted to believe this wasn't so and instead tried to force/ shame him into my way of thinking.
Which is ridiculously stupid of me as it's not a way of thinking, it a truth.
Either you have it or you don't
If you're full of demons, presenting them with a different philosophy isn't going to change anything.
They are what they are
And if they're in control, that's just how it will be.
I had allowed myself to go into auto pilot mode
I hid my thoughts and didn't allow them to surface because it was too painful.
I tried instead to control the situation and him.

If anyone were to read this and believe what is written, surely they'd feel a great sense of hopelessness. I think if it were me, I'd be tempted to end it all as I'd feel wretched in the extreme.
But there is an answer to all this, it doesn't have to be this way, unfortunately very few would have the courage to take heed, preferring to continue deluding themselves, which is not only cowardly, but very very foolish.