Model Photography, 2017.

I am finding myself very inspired today and not for the reason I would normally expect. I've worked in the model photography industry (primarily on the "alternative" end of things) on and off for a decade, having done everything except for the photography itself. However, I have met and worked closely with many photographers. I trust and respect very few of them. Here's an example, and an illustration of why. 

The other day I got a message from a photographer. He shows me photos of his beautifully-appointed studio and tells me he's doing a photo project of tattooed women. "That's great," I say, "Let me know if you need a makeup artist and I'll be there."

"I will! I would love to shoot you as well."

Now, I don't want to come off jaded or egotistical. My first response was a big fat no. Not because this guy's work sucks, not because he's creepy. He was neither of those, in fact (and I have met my share of people meeting that description). The approach wasn't even bad, necessarily. I just knew where it was going. 

This isn't a sob story and its not a story of victimhood. I used to support myself and my kids having my photo taken by creeps. I don't mean photographers who are eccentric and weird. I mean creepy dudes with bad boundaries who paid money to take pictures of me. This experience shaped my perception of men, of art and artists, of who people think they are versus who they really are, of ego, self-acceptance, approval from others, sexuality, platonic relationships, professional relationships, romantic and sexual interaction. Deciding to remove myself from interacting with these kinds of people was a deliberate one, however I find myself looking around at men in my industry and the women who work with them, in a way that perhaps not everyone does. For someone without a history like mine (personally, but also knowing how photographers talk to others when their subject is out of earshot), "I want you to model for me" sounds like a compliment. It might be, it might not be. But its worth it to figure that out beforehand.

First of all, I'm not going to be flattered if you ask to take my photo. I'm going to have a lot of questions as to why. I'm a makeup artist, not a model. I see a lot of women, especially young women, fall for the "I would love to do a photo shoot with you" or "you could be a model" wrap and to be very blunt, I am too old and have seen too much to fall for that shit. Second, if  your motivation for asking is that I am a tattooed woman that you find attractive, that's fine. But that not only needs to be stated in very honest terms and it must be established that it is a purely professional relationship, you're also getting me directly and visually involved in the art you're making, and likely asking me to do it for no pay as part of a personal endeavor of yours. If that is the case, I want to know what you're doing and why. 

If you want to shoot women who arouse you, or you want a collection of photos of hot women to show your friends on the internet, that's fine. You can hire me as a makeup artist and pay me. I don't need you to try to sell me on the idea that your shit is somehow artistic or profound, or that you're doing me a favor by asking me to model as part of it.

This same guy sends me three photos of other photographer's work that he found on Pinterest and says, "here are ideas for the photo shoot I want to do with you." I laughed because one of the photos was taken by my ex-boyfriend. But upon examining the photos, I responded by saying, "you didn't send me inspiration shots. You sent me photos of girls that you think are hot. If you want me to do makeup for your project I can do that, but if you're asking me to be one of these girls and you've got no form of concept then I am not into it. There is absolutely nothing special about any of those photos except for the fact that the women are jerkable." 

Photographers don't like hearing this. Artists don't like hearing this. Men don't like hearing this. 

He argues with me. I've got it all wrong, he tells me. Have I even SEEN his work? It ALL has substance. I understand why people do this. So I asked him, "Ok, what inspires you in these photos?' Its been several hours. No response. 

The photos were close-up shots of beautiful, heavily-tattooed women. The shots were all done using available or natural light. All three of the shots were either implied nudes or lingerie shots. In short, they are exactly what I said they were. Were they well-executed? Yes. Were the women beautiful? Absolutely. Was I bored and I've seen it before and I'm not impressed and I think its dumb and at absolutely no time would I ever have looked at any of those photos and thought that the photographer was capturing emotion, a story, the soul of the woman in front of him, or even conveying some kind of portrayal, narrative, fantasy? 

If you want to take photos of hot girls, that's cool. There is nothing wrong with that (and if you're a woman who wants to feel hot by having your photo taken, or build a career doing so, you have my full and unbridled support- a lot of this is part of my living and part of what I do). But don't try to convince me that you're innovative and substantial. When I call you out for what you're doing, don't try to stiff-arm me into believing what you tell others (or yourself). Just tell me "I like taking photos of hot women." If that approach has scared women away in the past, that's ok. You were honest and they weren't interested in what you wanted to do. But don't lie and say its art when that's not your objective. That's manipulative and dishonest. 

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe even though he wasn't able to verbalize why these images inspired him and it was more than tits and tats, as it were. Maybe I can't see what he sees. Maybe I am jaded. But I don't think I am. Because when I call this out I am never met with dialogue. Ever. I am met with resistance that I "just don't understand," or other times, that I am pissed off at men and have a chip on my shoulder. If your inspiration is mediocre, your work is going to be mediocre. If its not helping me pay my bills I don't want to waste time being part of it, and I certainly don't want to mislead you into thinking its going to get you somewhere with me. 

One of my biggest inspirations is the hatred of mediocrity and the delusion that goes along with it. I am not the art police and its not my job to tell you what to do. But when you ask me to be a part of it or bring myself into it, I will tell you what I am thinking. That's what collaboration is. Now, if you want to hire me to help realize your vision, that's fine by me and you can do that. I do bridal makeup artistry and at no time am I fooling myself into thinking that their wedding is The Angela Morris Makeup Artist show. Those brides are my bosses and I do what they want me to do to make their day perfect in their eyes. But they compensate me. Either pay me as a makeup artist, work with me on an amazing concept, or fuck off. This is not sour grapes. If I tell you that I think your ideas are run-of-the-mill, then either come up with a good idea, pay me, or walk away. We don't have to be enemies. It doesn't have to be an argument or a sales pitch. If its art you don't need to defend it. We want different things out of what we do. 

There are about two male photographers I have ever worked with who have not tried to hand me this line of complete and utter bullshit. I don't work almost exclusively with female photographers because I hate men. I work with them because they are either capable of capturing who the person in front of them really is, or they are able to help transform her into a character that's part of a concept. In my mind, that's what photography is supposed to be, and that is what I am seeking creatively. Somewhere along the line- and I would argue that this has always existed in some way but has become especially prevalent with digital photography, accessibility to editing tools, social media and an increasingly narcissistic culture where everyone wants to idealize themselves- the word "photography" has morphed into "pretty picture taken by someone with a position of perceived status." That pisses me off. If you look at my previous posts and look at the images I was a part of creating- whether it be as a makeup artist, model or creative director- the photos are sexy. Sexy is not bad. Arousing is not bad. Provocative is not bad. Its what I see behind it. Am I empowering this woman? Am I showing her strength? Am I showing some vulnerable part of herself? Am I unveiling the innocence, playfulness or romance behind someone who is covered in tattoos that look commanding and intimidating? Is she making a fucking expression? 

Or is she just perpetually looking bummed out with her mouth hanging open, because that's what Kylie Jenner does, that's what all her friends do on Instagram, and because that's what gets male attention? Is she just hot? Is she just jerk-off fodder? Because that's not modeling. That's not photography. That's not art. That's people using each other because they seek public approval and enjoy posting the photographic evidence for the world to see. You should be able to tell me the story behind your photo and why you did it in 5 seconds, and we both deserve for you to be honest about it.

I don't know if there is a such thing as a creative soulmate. I have many people that I work with and I feel that we have a connection creatively that I appreciate and enjoy, and I know they do too. There is a platform of mutual respect and a desire to do the best work possible. Sometimes I am in awe of the ideas I hear from others. Other times, I'm completely humbled when I have an idea that I think is good, and its either scrapped in favor of a much-better one, or its built upon by another person to take it to a place I didn't think it could go. However, if there is some kind of creative soul connection out there, I know it would be a partnership where we are constantly pushing ourselves to do better. Sometimes that will involve letting them know that they're full of shit and that their work bores me. And vice versa. When you think you're the King Shit of Fuck Mountain, that's when you stop growing.

I get frustrated when I see a talented person not giving it their all, or leaning on me to make their own shit better. There is nothing more attractive, professionally or personally, than a passionate person who wants to innovate.