That state trooper saved my life. I was at risk of dying from a vitamin-D deficiency and he rode in like the cavalry to save the day. What a brave and noble public servant. Too bad it cost me $150, but that's a small price to pay for the freedom to sweat more and get cataracts from the sun. My hero! <3

Why is there not a monument of this beacon of virtue in the town square so all can quietly gasp in awe — and so pigeons can DUMP ALL OVER HIS FACE...

Okay, back to cheese wallpaper...