Musings XXIV

Am I selfish enough to withhold my own creations from the eyes of others?

Yeah, I am because I’m The High Priestess. 

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The High Priestess is a tarot reference. I’ll be sure to share audio from my tarot reading soon so it makes more sense. The gist of it is that I like to keep myself shrouded in mystery. I have a habit of keeping what I find precious to myself. I’ve also never been great at boasting. Everyday I’m reminding myself that I should put my work out there if I want to receive the type recognition which will keep my engine running. 

If you’ve been following my blog for awhile then you’ll know about my Musings series and even if you’re now getting to know me then you’ve seen that I’m creatively charged. I take my own images, I draw, paint, sew, sculpt and the list only keeps growing. I’d exhaust myself from repeating old words so I’ve got a link to an informative post where I answer questions that other Steemians had for me. ”Ask me anything, answers!” At the end of this post I’ll be sure to link some of my other Musings blog posts. 

You might have wondered why it has taken me until now to update this series. Well, I just haven’t had anything groundbreaking happen in my life or any insightful words to share. There was also an internal tug-of-war happening inside of my mind. I was so proud of this set and my partner was telling me that this was my best work. He even stated that he was envious and wished that he would’ve captured these shots of me. 

I let those words of praise get to my head and instead of resulting in a positive light, I began to have dark thoughts. I found it hard to pick up my camera. Doubt took over and I began to worry that if I released this set then that would be the end. What if it doesn’t get any better than this? Then the need to cultivate this work into my secret stash took over and I wanted to hide it in my box of treasures. 

I guess I should thank those dark doubtful, yet greedy, thoughts of mine because it drove me to flex my creative muscles. I sank deep into a sea of sketches, needing to fill my feed with my drawings to show my fellow Steemians that I had other skills. Then I dabbled in traditional painting (thanks to @jungwatercolor’s contest) which later inspired me to pick up sculpting. 

I started to feel alive again. I learned more about myself. Like how I photograph myself when I feel good or if I want to capture a feeling that can’t be expressed with my hands. I paint for the feeling of nostalgia, sewing brings me peace, sculpting works well for my anxious little fingers because I’m impatient and yearning to have something produced immediately. 

Yesterday ended with frustration for me when I couldn’t upload a video of my time lapse drawings. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I started scrolling through a folder of backed up content and these images, which I have been hoarding, appeared in my line of sight. I chucked softly to myself, thinking about how foolish I’ve been and started to edit them. 

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Thanks for reading 🦊

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_{Musings XXIII}

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_{Musings XXII}

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_{Musings XXI}

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_{Musings XX}

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_{Musings XIX}