Runaway Rhymes 6: Worst day

in #poetry7 years ago

Hello dear Steemians, I like poetry a lot, but I don't really have any kind of experience with poetry in English, so let's give it a try.

WORST DAY

You've just opened your eyes
And thought about a nice day all along
If you thought about a day without a cry
You really couldn't be more wrong

In the morning an arguing family
Couldn't really make a smile on your face
You still wanted to enjoy your day happily
But later you couldn't find any kind of grace

"They are not worthy of my attention"
That is just how you have felt
You really wanted to find a redemption
But the damage was already dealt.

You were innocent
You were shouting
It was incident
And you were drowning

Victim of your loved ones
Not able to solve it
Using their words as guns
Well, you couldn't hold it.

When you burst into tears
You were in their sight
Possessed by big fear
They realised you were right

You couldn't be more right
No, didn't change a thing
But how can you unite
Broken even with a ring

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You've got the rhyming down. Are you trying to achieve any specific meter? The rhythm still feels a bit off, and the lines don't have the same syllable count. If this was your intention, disregard my comment. I'm no poetry expert. But I can say that maintaining an even rhythm to the rhymes is often harder than the rhyming itself.

Hello, actually I was experimenting with ABAB rhyme a bit. It was pretty difficult to achieve it: at the cost of lines without same syllable count. Hopefully I will be able to make it better in the future.
Thanks for your comment! :-)

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