Wanna be

I wanna feel loved, I wanna show my feelings to someone, but first of all I wanna have feelings so I can show them.
I wanna tell you how much I love you after all these years, how much I miss you.
Why are you like this dad? Why weren't you apart of my childhood? Why did you let things go this far? Why weren't you a better father? How come every time I speak to you or even think of you I start crying, my chest starts to ache and I can feel my heart slowing the beating process...
Sometimes I dream of you. In my imagination you are happy, you care and you aren't under so much pressure. I thought that you were gonna show me everything there is to know about life, you would show me love and teach me to read, write etc. But you sure as hell thought me how to fire back at people.
Why didn't you care? I can't say those three words anymore because of you. No one deserves them, no one is you. Tell me, tell me something so I can have some kind of a memory of you. A beautiful one, a magnificent one I beg you.
And I hate everything because I can't stop loving you...