Understand me my child

You do not think much of me
But let me tell you a story my child
I was nothing but a wee child
When my blood went hot and wild
Under the pure African sun
When I thought all I was having was fun
He was older and wiser but a man all the same
And all he brought me was scorn and shame
Except for you my winter flame

You are ashamed of me, I know my son
But I hope you understand me your mom
I grew up a misunderstood child
And no-one took the time to confide
About the realities of good old life
Every little step of the way
Was a learning experience I sometimes wished I could sway
So that someone loving and caring
Would teach me the dangers of what I was yearning

You hate me my child I know
But I hope you will understand my plight
The changes I had were some transformation
And I really could have done with some information
About how to handle it all
Without having to give away my all
But alas I was all alone
With no real love from home
To help me get through my new form

You despise me my child I know
But in life there is only so much you can learn on your own
I thought he was my sunshine
When he told me I was mighty fine
So much attention I had been craving
Was now bestowed on me without my asking
And me being young and gullible
Since I was only fifteen and fallible
Welcomed everything with both arms

You wish for different DNA my sweet
But at my story have a peek
He promised we would get away together
To a home we would build, love and cherish together
But those were words to chase away the insecurities
And I bought them at a price of syphilis
Herpes, HIV and pregnancy
Believe me it was not a tendency
To sleep with anyone who met my fancy

You think a different story my child
But the truth I will bare to you
I got the education after I had already lived it
And what good would it do me knowing it
But I never gave up on life
For in me I had created life
And I promised to love and cherish
The child I had got out of ignorance
Because he was my sunshine on a cloudy day
And I had nothing but cloudy days everyday

You hate me my child I know
But I do not regret the decision I made
To keep, love and protect you
Through my fighting different illnesses
I had one love to live for and that is you my Adonis
As I lie on my death bed, I hope you forgive me for loving you too much
For it seems to be my only crime to you
If I was offered a second chance in life
I would still be in the same position I am in now
Because I could never trade you for anything new
I know you are ashamed of me my son
But I hope you understand me now my child