Square up MS - a poem of triumph

I didn’t know you were here
With me all along
Causing more problems than solutions
You were hiding somewhere in the crevices of my mind
Making me less of the woman that I wanted to be
You abused my energy
For your own sick, twisted plan
You make me weak whenever you want to
Decide when I will sleep and when I need to go without it
You torture me incessantly
Invisible to all but your results are evident
“I’m making it” - now become my mantra
Because I’m doing everything I can daily to fight you
Trying to win a battle with myself
Because you reside somewhere up there
In the part of me that I can’t see without the technology
MRIs and dye are the only things that reveal you to the world
You are rattling around in my brain
At times making me question my sanity
Because when you are in control
I feel outside of myself
Watching myself struggle to do things that normally come easy
Thinking
Questioning
Why me? What did do to deserve this type of relationship
This type of thorn in my flesh
This punishment for

Who knows what I could have done to deserve your presence
I can’t get rid of you
Monkey on my back
Trying hard to keep my thoughts and faith on track
I know I’m healed but
Yesterday it didn’t really manifest itself the way I needed it to
Instead you showed up
Trying to make me doubt the God I serve and become desperate enough
To give up but that is not in my personality
And you might change a lot of things but you cannot change that part of me
I’m writing you out
Letting you know that although we are joined together through nerves and chromosomes
I will never be your slave
I will do me without failing because all I do is Win
So square up MS, you got a fight on your hands.