Prose ~ La Douleur Exquise.

I have this strong desire and still till this day it remains, a desire to explore the unknown with you that is still yet to subside.

To travel to long-distant destinations on a whim and stare vacantly into the distance as the wind caresses my hair, exchanging utterances, addressing each corner of the universe.

To get to know the raw, gritty and unfiltered version of you beyond the walls you've put up and the bridges that have been burnt along the way.

I yearn for something far-off and indefinable, something that I feel, could be really special if it were given a chance and it's that something that I never got to experience because it never came to pass. It never was and probably never will be.

And as much as I'd like these bizarre, inexplicable feelings to fade away into the distance and to build up the courage to let that something go, at this present moment, I can't.

I'm still holding on to what could have been beyond the late night interactions that we once had and the underlying issues that caused us to disconnect.

I didn't want to be a stranger, I wanted to be a positive force in your life and a friend who wanted to accompany you on your journey and get to know your spontaneous soul.

It appears, however, we have both set foot upon different pathways where we continue to walk until eventually there's nothing else left to do.

And so I continue my commute, miles away from you, trying to find the motivation the stand on my own two feet in the morning and smile in the distance, all whilst bidding you farewell.

I'm finifugal, that's what it is, easily attached, able to accept my sorrows but unable to accept what has passed. I piously put too much faith in bad endings, in re-writing closed chapters believing that they have the potential to become something truly beautiful.

And without knowing exactly what I see in you, I keep looking for you wherever I go, only to find that you're no longer there. If only I knew, what it was.

Perhaps I like your straight forward attitude, the feeling of sharing common grounds but different backgrounds, those transitions and changes you make after major events in your life, despite not fully knowing you.

My mind takes me to every nook and cranny of the earth, to places filled with both happy and sad memories and places remarkably gorgeous that I want to experience with you.

And as I reach my hand out in your direction, that holds on to the hope of roaming around with you, rebuilding and repairing what has been terminated to discover what it could have been in the right moment - the only gesture I'm able to muster is a wave goodbye.