Paradise / An Original Poem
Tri-o-let: a poem of eight lines, typically of eight syllables each, rhyming abaaabab and so structured that the first line recurs as the fourth and seventh and the second as the eighth.
Last grains slip through the hourglass
Such horrors, one last maniac
Weathered asphalt vault starts to crack
A once-broken man's almanac
Driven to sin, they fell en masse
Weathered asphalt vaults start to crack
Last grains slip through the hourglass
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.
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- Hey folks, so this was my first attempt at a tri-o-let, a fun little form I had found by way of @moeknows who recently posted one. I had a lot of fun doing it, bit of a struggle though seeing as I had made it while forgetting about the 8 syllables per line.
@carmalain7 was a big help, aiding me in tearing apart the original and reforming it into the correct form!
~Themadrunnah
If you like what you've read, feel free to comment, upvote, or follow! I'll be posting daily!
Oh, I love this! I see the improvement when you say the "last grains slip". Slipping is a great verb here, it emphasises your point. This almost makes me want to try a tri-o-let myself; I might give it a try ;)
You should try it out, they're fun!
Just uh, need to remember about the whole 8 syllable thing. cough cough
Thank you for swinging by and enjoying my words.
You knocked this out!
I really love this one... that Moe, always spreading the goodness. :)
Oh yes, that he is!
Thank ye kindly good lady for dropping by and checking out my words!
Your support is much appreciated, as always! :)
Great job on this one. I like the progression and I felt like you did a great job making use of the form. Nice write.
Thanks! I'm glad I was able to learn about them from your post, they're quite fun! Tricky little buggers sometimes though.
Thank you for dropping in and reading, I may have another one for you in a little while!
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